One lucky fetus is off to a good start as their mum and dad wisely put aside some RATs for their little one’s future.

Rapid Antigen Tests also known as RATs (or RAT Tests for people who don’t care for acronyms) provide users with an opportunity to test themselves for the spicy cough while getting a brief little glimpse into how fucked fully privatised health care would be.

Aside from the rampant price gouging that has seen some single RAT units sell for upwards of $25, people seeking them out are more likely to come home with a case of Omicron than the actual tests they set out to buy.

For this reason, expectant couple Griffin and Louise Turner have put aside their own little stash of RATs to present to their unborn child.

Being middle class, the Turners would have ordinarily set aside a bottle of wine for their child’s 18th birthday but upon reading the room decided to prepare a much more 21st century boon on the day their child becomes an adult.

“We don’t know if we’re having a boy or a girl but we do know we are having a well-prepared human,” stated Louise, as inside her the nostrils that would one day be used to test her child’s health status.

“It took us all week to track down those five tests and then daddy had to use one because he had a sore throat after visiting 150 pharmacies.”


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