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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the Novak Djokovic debacle continues to unfold in Melbourne, it's been revealed that Sky News and its Murdoch counterparts have been particularly silent on a particular issue in the saga. Nearly a week after Djokovic was detained in Melbourne, the network that serves as a news bible for conservative parents has somehow forgotten to attack Scott Morrison...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT When it comes to successfully pulling off a sickie without earning the suspicion of your boss and colleagues, tactfully dropping seeds can really pull off an award-winning performance - especially in the middle of a pandemic, when bosses are hyper-aware of how a single sneeze could take down their whole business. For local laser clinic worker, Gina Kerr, having...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT Before Australians took matters into their own hands by creating Facebook groups dedicated to alerting each other of the approximate waiting times for testing, there was reportedly another way you could find active testing sites - the presence of fresh, pungent urine. As hundreds of thousands of Aussies trickled into states after the border reopening, testing clinics and hospitals...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the nation continues to grapple with government incompetence once again, the man in charge of things has today issued an eyebrow-raising claim. With RATS nearly impossible to get, and PCR lines consuming endless hours for sick citizens, Soctty from Marketing has today sought to prolong the distraction that is Novak Djokovic's visa situation for as long as...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT After realising it’s not in his best interest to be either angry or sad all the time, local construction unionist Craig Margaretti (44) decided to book an appointment with his local counselor.  Having never been to therapy before, Margaretti told our reporting team he was not sure what to expect, but was rather hoping it would be like the...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT A police station is today under investigation for allegedly sending out fewer than ten officers to a verbal altercation in the middle of the mall. It’s alleged this incident occurred outside of the Fortitude Valley maccas at roughly 7:50pm, which saw two blokes having a heated argument over nothing in particular. Though this slinging match didn’t appear as though it...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT When local woman Shara Hornick suddenly became obsessed with the idea of a new ear piercing, she hadn't stopped to factor in how it'd affect her lifestyle. It's alleged Shara had been itching to get another tattoo but didn't have the budget for the large thigh piece she wanted. Nor did she have the money to completely change her...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT Local woman Bridie Keating used to be a waitress. In fact, she used to be a bartender too. Despite her stint in hospitality lasting for a total of six months, Bridie likes to mention it as much as possible to make herself more relatable.  This is mainly because she now works a high paying job and battles the constant stab...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT Local girlfriend Nicki Weaver has tried and failed to understand how NFT’s work and why she can’t just simply screenshot artwork. It’s alleged her crypto enthusiast boyfriend had tried to explain the process to her after she read an article about the creators of Bored Ape Yacht Club earning millions of dollars for what looked to be simple digital...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Proving to the world that she is on a health kick God damn it, logistics manager Katie Stoker (27) went up to the shops and spent big on healthy snacks. After a particularly kushy Chrisy, Stoker is one of the thousands of Australians speed running for a summer body, despite the fact that she (like our readers) is already...