Aged Care Minister Colbeck Tells Senate To Relax, All Those Oldies Had A Good Innings Anyway
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
Richard Colbeck has today told the nation to just calm down a little bit.
Facing calls for his resignation, the Federal Aged Care Services Minister told The Advocate today that he can't really understand what all this fuss is about.
"What's everyone screaming blue murder for," said Colbeck in regards to the surge of spicy cough related deaths...
CSIRO Launch Experiment To Examine Whether Politicians Are Physically Capable Of Saying Sorry
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The nation's peak scientific body has today announced a landmark study, aimed at answering one of life's great questions.
The Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation (CSIRO) has revealed they will begin conducting experiments to see whether it is physically possible for a politician to say sorry.
Their exciting new study comes after yet another appearance by Prime...
Friendly Goth From School Now Proud Mother Of Two Darling Little Goths Of Her Own
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A red-lipped ‘Black Veil Bride’ has resurfaced on Facebook this week, uploading a photo to confirm she’s now the proud parent of two little goths.
Posting a rather cute family selfie from the tattoo chair of popular vape and piercing parlour ‘Off Ya Gumtree’, it’s understood committed goth Amy-Lee Cambria (32) has started her own family of...
Queenslanders Call For A Foreign Ownership Ban On Property Investors From Down South
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
As property prices continue to surge around the country, the Sunshine State has today asked our leaders to introduce some controversial new regulations.
Queenslanders have this week requested that the Premier introduce a new rule banning anyone from down south owning property north of the Tweed.
Aimed at stopping cashed-up Sydneysiders and Melbournians from pricing Queenslanders out of...
Channel 9 Producers Worry MAFS Won’t Be Able To Top Last Two Weeks Of Confrontational Tantrums
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
One of the nation's major television networks has today revealed that they are seriously concerned about one of their flagship programs.
Speaking to The Advocate this afternoon, a spokesperson for Channel 9 has explained they hold serious fears ahead of this season of Married At First Sight (MAFS).
After a blockbuster two weeks of tennis, producers of the...
Teacher Upgrades Mazda 3 to Mazda CX-5 After Picking Up New Role As Year Group Coordinator
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
Boasting Smart City Brake Support and 19’ alloy wheels, a local school teacher has been spotted around town flexing their latest career promotion.
Making the bold decision to upgrade his Mazda 3 to a Mazda CX-5, it appears Year 4 Primary teacher Connor Rankin is currently enjoying showing off his newly boosted salary, after receiving a...
Boyfriend Dragged To Movies Must Choose Between Timothée Chalamet as Dystopian Sand Prince or Quirky French Revolutionary
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A local Betoota man is caught in a deep Youtube vortex this afternoon, researching some movie trailers before taking his girlfriend to the cinema.
Despite being told ‘it’s your turn to pick’, it’s believed Betoota mechanic Jayden Edwards (25) was given a secondary ultimatum, after his girlfriend added that he could choose any movie, any movie at...
Boomer Understands Supermarket Staff Aren’t To Blame But Someone Needs To Get Yelled At
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Like many Australians, local shopper Terry Newton (66) has not been able to pick up all the items in his weekly big shop as supermarkets around the nation continue to struggle under supply chain issues.
Popping into Betoota Heights Bi-Lo to purchase his usual eight kilos of beef mince and veges, Newton stated he couldn’t help but feel a...
Local Patriot Acting Like There’s Only A 24 Hour Window For Him To Fire Up the Barbecue Each Year
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
As the sun sets on the 26th day of the month of January, a local patriot has sought to keep the fire burning.
With huge numbers once again taking to the streets to protest the fact we hold our national day of celebration on the anniversary of the date British ships arrived to commit genocide, Blake Lambton has...
PM Defends Our Patriotic Right To Uphold 244 Year Tradition Of Spreading Diseases At Australia Day Parties
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
To say Scotty From Marketing is disappointed with Australians is an understatement, even though at this point it’s fair to say the feeling is definitely mutual.
Unhappy that eastern Australians are not keen to go out and stimulate the economy whilst sampling the spiciest coughs the Greek alphabet has to offer, Scotty has made it clear to the...
