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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A Flight Path District father of three has once again been left confused by this younger generation. Berrick Burns (56) from our town's rapidly gentrifying former working class enclave explained to The Advocate that things just move too fast for him nowadays. "Mate, I've never really understood fashion," he sighed to our reporter at the front bar of...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Opposition Leader Peter Dutton has kept the hits playing, by revealing a mind bending new policy today. The man who just can't take a loss has revealed that if elected he will be bringing high speed rail to the whole country! A fabled vote winning pitch at every single election since we got rid of free university, high...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Some of the brightest minds in Australian fashion have today made a bold play at capturing a swathe of market share. The people in charge of the things at Gazman have made a splash in the business world, by publicly listing their company on the stock market. The interesting and ambitious move has been made even more sensational...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT Local office worker Mitch Bromfield (30) is still trying to figure out if the new guy he works with is a stoner or a soccer fan watching the Euros in the middle of the night, after spotting him multiple times with red eyes, yawning a lot. "Honestly, I'm finding this really difficult," Mitch explained. "His surname ends in "vić" so...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The group of activists known as the Just Stop Oil collective have today been left with their head in their hands, after a rather embarrassing blunder. The anti-fossil fuel protestors have had their brand significantly damaged this afternoon following a significant vandalism mishap. Desperate to throw orange paint on anything that doesn't move, the activists have had their latest...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the nation collectively acknowledges that it's not fucking warm, a local woman has today shed some insight into a popular weather related metric. Speaking to The Advocate, 28-year-old Betoota woman Grace Airth has explained that the Bureau of Meteorology's' 'feel's like' temperature metric is a crock of shit. "They must be basing it off what the temperature...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Britney Spears and her global army of fans are today cheering with joy, after a major development out of New York State's ritzy Hamptons region. This comes after her former flame Justin Timberlake was arrested for drink driving overnight, with police officers alleging he was inTOXICated. The former boy band turned solo fuckboi star was arrested after allegedly...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Australian country music industry has today been rocked by shocking allegations from within its ranks. One of the industry's hottest prospects has been hit by claims that he doesn't drink Jack Daniels. Not only that, but that he actually hates the taste of Tennessee's most famous whiskey. The claims have been levelled at up-and-coming musician Korey Bell,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Betoota Advocate has today been on the receiving end of a threatening legal letter from one of Australia's most high profile politicians. Our humble regional newspaper was served with a take down notice at 2:43pm this afternoon, in relation to an image we published of One Nation Leader Pauline Hanson. The notice from lawyers acting for Australia's...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has today taken the international diplomacy to the next level. With Australia currently hosting Chinese Premier Li Qiang, Albanese has reportedly decided to roll out the red carpet. The man who has been trying repair the relationship with our biggest trading partner, has decided to take the Chinese Premier down to a Canberra icon....