Breaking News

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACT Sources from inside the former Prime Ministers office have told The Betoota Advocate that Tony Abbott is reportedly counting down the days until his induction into the prestigious 'Hot Rodent Men' category. Abbott, who has spent years cultivating his image as a man of the Liberals, is said to be weirdly thrilled at the prospect. “It would be my honour,"...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT In a rare display of vulnerability, local father of two Gen Z daughters, Greg Thompson (50), has bravely ventured into uncharted territory by actually asking his daughters about something he's confused about, Brat Summer. The 50 year old accountant, who has spent the last decade brushing off any young trend he doesn't understand, has been forced to concede that he's a...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT Calls from the Australian sporting community continue to grow as the demand for 4-square handball to be included in the Olympics grows. Australians, who have long dominated the hallowed asphalt courts of playgrounds across the nation, are hoping to transform their  year 6 mastery into Olympic glory. "Mate, this is what we’ve been waiting for our whole lives," said Brett...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The humble Queensland town of Mackay has politely told the rest of Australia to ‘get a dog up ya’ today.  The jewel of the Sunshine State’s Central Coast has issued the statement in a friendly but deadly serious manner, as it asserts its status as ‘Australia’s Most Olympic Town.’  “Absolutely no question about it,” laughed Mackay resident Dane Cherry-Evans.  “Mackay is...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT There’s a serious vibe on North Straddie right now, as the residents of the island revel in the 2024 Paris Olympic Games.  With one of Minjerribah’s very own about to take on the world for a shot at Gold, the island is absolutely Ethan Yeeeeewingggggggg, it can be confirmed.  This comes as Straddie locals prepare to cheer on their hometown...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Queensland Premier has today moved to allay any concerns about the viability of the Brisbane River as a venue for the 2032 Olympics. Steven Miles has done so by popping in to the mighty Brown Snake for a quick dip, to prove to all the haters that it's perfectly fine for athletes to swim in. "Absolutely wonderful,"...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With the long awaited Paris Olympics finally rolling around, towns, suburbs and regions all over Australia are joyfully seeing their names on the Olympics LIVE map.  And, like many other parts of the country this week, the Illawarra region is beaming with pride - particularly at the opportunity to earn a few bragging rights over the snobby Northerners in...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Men's rights activists are in crisis today, after a stunning revelation from the other side of the world. With 10 days of the Paris Olympics still to run, it has already been confirmed that there is a serious and concerning disparity in the Gender Medal Gap. After Jess Fox, Grace Brown, Ariarne Titmus, Kaylee McKeown, Emma Mckeon, Meg...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The weird smurf guy from the Opening Ceremony of the Paris Olympics has finally broken his silence. This comes as debate still rages online about the 'Festivity' scene, which organisers say was a depiction of ancient Greek god Dionysus, and Christians say was a parody of Leonardo Da Vinci's Last Supper. Philippe Katerine, or the pretty much...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The new man taking up the Home Affairs hot seat has today endured a frosty reception, during his first media conference in the role. Freshly appointed as the home affairs, immigration and multicultural affairs minister (on top of his house and arts minister roles), Tony Burke expected quite a fiery press conference centring around topical political issues. However,...