Breaking News

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local man has been caught lying to himself today as he vocalises plans to have a pretty quiet November. Sitting down for a $25 Pint & Parmi at the Bull & Barley Inn after cricket training, Betoota Dugongs 4th grader Hayden Scullings told his teammates he is planning on doing “a November cleanse”, a line he...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact A local woman has this week found herself having a rather stupid argument with a mate, after he discovered she wasn’t a fan of blue cheese. Annabelle Worthington admits to our reporter that she doesn’t really have the widest array of tastes when it comes to her palate, but she says that blue cheese should fall under one of...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT No matter how busy you are on this Monday morning, please stop whatever it is you are doing to take a breath and have a laugh. Why you might ask? Well, because the English Cricket team are currently below the Netherlands on the World Cup table, with the group stages nearly finished. Not only are the champions of...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT As modern Australia continues to embrace the American tradition of Halloween, one local resident's decision not to don a costume seemed to reflect more than just his anti-American spirit. Reports indicate that his disdain of halloween attire is quite similar to his conversational skills at parties, leaving many attendees spooked by his scarcity of engaging conversation. David Scholes (30),...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A space cadet mate has been referred to the Australian Wedding Crime Commission this afternoon after once again displaying he’s unfit for groomsman duties. Callum Heusen (28) is the 4th groomsman of local Betoota carpenter Dale O’Dwyer, a man who’s scheduled to have his wedding at Buckled Wombat Winery in just two weeks time. With time counting down...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact “How do you start with nothing and build a portfolio of assets valued at over $650k?” This was the question posed to members of subreddit, r/AusFinance, by prolific Redditter, Romes_Chariots, at 2:11 AM this morning. As most of Australia’s millionaires of tomorrow will tell you, r/AusFinance is the subreddit that deals with all things Australian personal finance; budgeting, saving,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT 1000's of highly trained experts have today been cast into an existential crisis, after a sledgehammer blow from an Australian intellectual. Members of the fields of science and economics are currently question the value of their life's work, after being informed by Tony Abbott that they are members of a 'climate cult that will eventually be discredited.' The...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Prince of Penrith looks set to become the Prince of Australia, after it was finally confirmed that he is loved up with Australian Royalty. Nathan Cleary was yesterday spotted with Matildas and table topping Manchester City superstar Mary Fowler, after rumours had swirled for months about a budding romance between the pair. Knocking NFL Tight End Travis...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT NRL stars Jack Wighton and Latrell Mitchell have this week been found innocent, after a 10 month long battle with lying senior ACT cops and the Canberra legal system. The saga has caused countless headlines in a media landscape obsessed with bringing certain types of people down, and began after the two young Indigenous men were arrested on a...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The world of fashion is all set to experience another exciting trend, it can be confirmed today. Celebrity icon Kim Kardashian has today revealed a stunning new male underwear line, that has set tongues wagging around the globe. Famous for being famous, Kardashian is releasing a line of male undies that come with an inbuilt 'stiffy feature.' The...