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Pine-O-Clean Disinfectant Wins Best Alcohol-Free Spirit Award

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of the nation's most trusted hospital-grade disinfectants has taken out a massive award over the weekend at the International Whisky Committee (IWC), with Pine-O-Clean winning the best alcohol-free spirit for 2023. While it says on the bottle that drinking Pine-O-Clean will kill you, that didn't deter judges from sampling the forbidden brown liquid. Judges noted...

Opinion: Has Meghan The Witch Already Ruined The Coronation?

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT COMMENT Has the greatest day on the Royal Calendar already been ruined, weeks before it even arrived? Unfortunately, the answer is probably yes - unless you are a sensitive left wing snowflake who thinks whinging attention hungry millennials haven't ruined the great institution of the Royal family. Why may you ask? Well, surprise surprise, Meghan Markle, has done it...

Young Parents Rush To The Bedroom For Their Weekly 8:00am ‘Bluey Root’

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Times have certainly changed for one young couple in Betoota Grove. As former partiers, Jenny and Bryce Rookwood are now operating on an entirely different schedule to when they first met... Back in the all-or-nothing days of Tame Impala and spicy margaritas. Once upon a time, 8:00am at Saturday was a chance for the two of them to finally...

RBA Admits They Actually Have No Fucking Idea What They’re Doing But They’re Trying Their Best

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A group of public servants has outed themselves this morning with senior bureaucrats at the Reserve Bank admitting that they actually have no fucking idea what they're doing. Speaking at a banking junket in Melbourne, a senior RBA board member admitted that they've "shit the bed" when it comes to managing the economy and that...

Annual Leave Expert Somehow Pulling Off A 28-Day-Weekend From Easter To ANZAC Day 

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A public holiday professional has spoken to The Advocate from the pools of a Bali villa this morning, to explain how she’s managed to swing a three week holiday over Easter. Parked up at in Seminyak, local media relations advisor for the Betoota council Samantha Saunders, has just ordered her first Mojito for the morning, whilst the...

Local Woman Excited That Triangles Can Just Be Triangles Again After Dumping Illuminati Enthusiast

ALISON SCHENK | Entertainment | Contact A local woman is rejoicing today after finally thank-you-next-ing her boyfriend of 5 years (6 if you count his gap year in London but they don’t).  What started out as a ‘fine I guess’ relationship, quickly devolved into chaos during the first COVID lockdown when her ex, Joseph, had way too much time on his hands and discovered the...

Caravan Park Touch Game Getting Serious Enough For Local Dad To Put His Beer Down

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A game of Easter Sunday touch footy is heating up on the mid-north coast of NSW this afternoon as a group of campers soak up the joy of the long weekend. Playing on a large patch of grass adjacent to a concrete toilet block at the Breakwall Holiday Park in Port Macquarie, witnesses say the game of...

Liberals Begin Campaign To Win Back Teal Seats By Opposing The Voice To Parliament

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Liberal Party is beginning the arduous journey today to win back seats lost to "teal independents" at the last election. One of the first steps, according to Opposition leader Peter Dutton, is to oppose the Voice to Parliament, in its current stage, which has been put forward by the Albanese Government. "At the last election...

Nation Remains Optimistic That New Federal ICAC Will Mean Stuff Like This Happens Here One Day

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Scenes of former US President Donald Trump facing charges in New York City have Australians optimistic that with the new Federal ICAC being established, we will soon see historic moments of the same ilk in this country. There has never been a federal corruption watchdog in this country and because of that, people who deserve...

Teacher Judging The Easter Egg Hat Comp Fully Aware P&C President’s Daughter Needs To Win

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A Betoota Ponds Primary School teacher is currently coming to terms with what awaits her. Entering her 8th year at the primary school in our town's outer urban era (that demographers would now class as peri-urban) Charlene Watts is facing a moral dilemma today. Does she do what she thinks is right? Or does she do what the...

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