ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A group of public servants has outed themselves this morning with senior bureaucrats at the Reserve Bank admitting that they actually have no fucking idea what they’re doing.
Speaking at a banking junket in Melbourne, a senior RBA board member admitted that they’ve “shit the bed” when it comes to managing the economy and that despite this, they feel like they all should keep their disgracefully large taxpayer-funded salaries.
“If we were working in the private sector, we’d be locked in a stockade in Martin Place for our clients to come and throw rotten produce at us,” they said.
“With the benefit of hindsight, we actually made some catastrophic errors with regard to keeping inflation under control. Another mistake was also sodomising mortgage holders with almost a dozen successive interest rate increases, which we did to try and scrape the shit off the bed. It wasn’t their shit, it was our shit.”
“To our credit, it’s kind of worked, but at what cost? We’ve put hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions of people, into financial turmoil. We honey-dicked honest, hard-working Australians into buying dogshit new-builds on the fringe of some fuckhole city for well over a million dollars, telling them it would be great for ages, but in reality, we absolutely fucked them. We have fucked them so much.”
“Sure, we’re getting paid a lot to make sure the financial destiny of every Australian is well-charted, but that’s not exactly easy. We’re doing our best. Plus, you have to take into account the pandemic and the war in Ukraine, so it’s not our fault, really.”
“Actually, I should start thinking like a public servant. It’s everyone’s fault but ours.”
More to come.
