ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Treasurer Jimothy Chalmers has thrown down the gauntlet to the nation’s young workers today, challenging them to have more babies – or else.

Speaking today in Canberra, Dr Chalmers said that if young Australians aren’t prepared to “grow a pair” and have way more kids than they can afford, he’ll be forced to find human worker ants somewhere else.

“I believe in a big Australia,” said Chalmers to reporters this morning.

“We need Australians to have more babies. These babies will grow up to be taxpayers; they will take part in the modern Australia that we are trying to shape. The alternative to this, if Australians aren’t willing to increase the fertility rate, more people will have to move here so we can keep the economic growth going,”

“Babies are always better in terms of growing the economy. People are employed to look after and educate children. Parents buy them things. All these things help grow the economy. What does is issuing hundreds of thousands of visas and having to use people from the UK, America, India, China and other places as economic Spakfilla if you will to fill the cracks in the economy, giving the illusion that we’re still in economic growth when we’re actually making life harder for everyone else,”

“These people all need houses and jobs when they land and we haven’t built enough to go around. Simple has that. A decade of Liberal government and all they’ve done is make the Boomers rich through a property ponzi, now we’re going to have to fork out trillions for them to die with even the slightest bit of dignity. Speaking of which, when people move here, they want to bring their elderly parents here and other family members. Both of which haven’t paid tax here ever. What do old people need? World class medical care. Is that cheap? No. Who pays for it? Everyone but them. Then they sook when we make them pay for a visa. We live in the real world here,”

“So I’m challenging young workers to have more babies. I don’t care if you’re always broke, perennially tired, renting a dogbox in some shithole suburb near Homebush, disenfranchised with existence in general, pessimistic about the future because the planet is dying, no prospects of home ownership, poor parents who can’t help you financially. They’re just excuses,”

“Come on, do your bit for the nation. Get the Mirena out, throw the condoms in the bin, do your bit.”

More to come.


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