IN-Focus

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Australians who have been exposed to the most buried story in politics are today wondering which prominent Royal Commission into Child Abuse identity will get the call up next time Scotty From Marketing visits the US. This follows the cringeworthy news that Morrison has finally admitted to the fact that he attempted to bring Brian Houston with him...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local outsider has this week returned home from the Gold Coast as the legend of the bucks party, after starting the weekend at very poor odds. Keiron James (29) was initially identified as the nameless workmate that had grown close to the buck as his closest mate in Melbourne, where they met on the job at the insurance...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A local mum has found a genius solution to finding lost things, it’s reported. Sally King was sitting in her favourite armchair doing a crossword puzzle when she noticed her daughter frantically searching under the couch cushions. The young woman, Susie had lost her phone and was panicking as she’d been without it for ten whole...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT A problematic design flaw in the ubiquitous claw machine has been corrected with a new improved claw that is even more useless than the previous version. Claw machines, invented in the early 1930s by William Bartholomew Claw, are popular in pubs, clubs, amusement arcades and any other venue containing people keen to exchange a sum of money for the chance to win a prize worth...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Earlier today, Betoota Ponds was the scene to what many are calling the most cowardly act of hypocrisy of all time. Local ute owner Justin Grob (22) has gone to many lengths to elevate his ute from a vehicle no one would want to steal to one that people would at least want to pillage for parts. Notably, Grob has...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A bored shitless corporate suit has narrowly avoided exposing her disinterest in her fifth meeting today by emitting a grunt at precisely the right time. Stephanie Milwani was in the middle of a daydream about her upcoming holiday when her survival instincts kicked in and forced her to nod her head and make an agreeable grunting sound in response to a colleague’s question. It’s...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Ali Murphy is sick with Adrenalin this morning after she arrived in her share house bathroom having forgotten which toothbrush was hers. Desperately needing to clean her teeth before work, Ali took a deep breath, prayed and reached into the overcrowded container of toothbrushes The sharehouse in question is in the inner-city suburb of Betoota and currently has over 13...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Alcohol loving man Nathan Shuck is clutching at straws this evening after learning his girlfriend is en-route to the pub to pick him up. Even though Nathan has been at the pub for a while he was still not ready to pull up stumps. Thinking on his feet, he played the one trump card he thinks will win over...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Recent home leaver, Brendon Smith, has just moved into his first ever sharehouse - a ten bedroom monstrosity located on a main road in Woolloongabba. He reportedly lives with 15 other students, who were all too happy to swap their tenancy rights to a fair number of bathrooms in favour of cheap rent. Despite the alarmingly high ratio...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Oliver Gosford had been scratching his nether region when he thought he’d have a cheeky pull. Opening up his browser, Oliver brought up his go-to porn website and began the arduous task of finding the right video. “It’s not easy finding the right video, and the recommendations are pretty shit,'' says Oliver. “I once made the mistake of clicking...