IN-Focus

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT A common problem has been given a contemporary twist with news that McDonald’s Soft Serve Machine is out of order as a direct result of COVID-19. For years, the machines, which are obviously robust as they are designed to work in a commercial environment where downtime costs money, have been “out of order” whenever the staff have decided to...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Earlier today, an attempt to seize the day was made by self-isolating father of two Murray Grant (39) who decided to spice things up by wearing a shirt he is too ashamed to wear to work. The garment in question is a green and pink paisley shirt, purchased as a gift for Grant by his wife and worn to...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Throughout the most testing eras in human history, there have been legendary accounts of the daring actions individuals have taken to survive. Or in the case of office gossip Miranda Jones (25), bringing a little cup of juicy goss back home with her. Jones, like many office workers now doing their job home from, claims she has struggled to space...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT As countries with even the strongest healthcare systems have trouble sourcing enough PPE to combat the virus, some communities have taken it into their own hands to help. From little grandmas hand sewing masks from their living room chairs to good samaritans 3D printing ventilator valves, people are coming together to do their part - including the...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact It’s a reality for any non-child-bearing person, having to feign interest in another human’s offspring and being just as amazed as the parent is at their blob’s ability to fit its entire foot into its mouth. While suffering through photos and home videos is one thing, as one woman is today finding out, suffering through a Zoom call with...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A local woman has today had her usual slew of unwanted sexual advances upgraded from verbal to physical after setting up an office from the comforts of her living room. Sarah Robertson, 26, tells our reporter that though she was grateful to have the option to work from home, she’d naively thought the new environment would give her a...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A self-proclaimed ‘cool dad’ has learned some unsettling facts about his kids today after circumstances forced him to undertake his fatherly duties for the first time in years. The former highschool footy hero/bully had successfully managed to avoid doing any of the boring activities, such as changing nappies or getting up in the middle of the night for...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT On top of the world slowly succumbing to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, local man Thomas Newell is also dealing with his own personal problems. Namely, that he’s been slowly going bald over the past six months. Once sporting a luscious crop of hair and a pair of ridiculously long eyelashes to match, Tom had initially denied the...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Catching the single ray of sunshine coming through her bedroom window, a half naked Stephanie Lewisham adjusts her bra and attempts to candidly look off into the distance. It’s been an especially hard few weeks for the 22 year old influencer. Her usual feed of beach shots, restaurants and body barre poses has now been relegated to the confines of her slightly pokey...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Coronavirus claimed more victims yesterday with the arrest of a gang of three following a daring bank heist in broad daylight. At approximately 10:30am the trio entered Betoota First National Bank with sawn-off shotguns, forcing the terrified staff to fill hessian sacks with cash from the vault before making good their escape through a side door. As anybody who has...