Louis Burke | Culture | Contact

French Quarter real estate agent Belinda Rowe (46) has received a formal complaint from a group of tenants who allege she openly laughed in their face when they asked for their bond back.

The peasant renters were tenants of a rental property Rowe oversees until last week when they moved out the last of their succulents, milk crates and bong residue, before dumping everything else in the alley behind the terrace house.

On their way to their new residence in a pre-gentrified part of town, the tenants stopped in to ask Rowe about getting their bond back which is when the real estate agent laughed in their unwashed faces.

“[Laughs] Fuck me you guys are funny!” exclaimed Rowe.

“That’s good. Haha, fuck me, that’s so good.”

One of the disgruntled commoners claims they are going to take their formal complaint further once they find their laptop charger and are connected to the internet at their new property in about 6 to 8 months.

Rowe claims she is not the slightest bit worried about the previous tenants getting their bond back, referencing her final inspection of the property.

“I don’t know what they did but I’m pretty sure the kitchen didn’t have carpet when they moved in. It appears to be 90% cat hair and 10% red wine stains.”

“There is evidence to suggest someone was using marijuana on the toilet and every surface seems to have doubled as an ashtray at some point. These heathens will get their bond back when they stop making horrible life choices.”

According to Rowe, she feels no remorse for laughing in the face of the provincial renters as none of them were even on the lease to begin with.


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