Louis Burke | Culture | Contact
Freelance writer and full-time son, Jamie Pike (26) decided to mix things up earlier today and procrastinate in a local cafe.
Taking his densely stickered laptop to French Quarter cafe, Leafy Blend, Pike opted to boldy set aside his screenplay about a misunderstood writer and focus heavily on what is happening on reddit and 4chan today.
Strategically sitting on a corner table where no one could see his screen, Pike mucked around for a while, finding out what member of Friends he’s most compatible with on an online quiz and watching X-Factor fails from eight years ago.
During this time witnesses report that Pike sneakily left a centimetres worth of coffee in his cup in order to give the appearance that he hadn’t been sitting there for five hours, using the free wifi to download all eight seasons of Mad Men.
“Yeah I just needed a break hey, it’s been a hectic couple of months,” he stated, referencing his rigorous schedule of writing and masturbating.
“Thought I’d come hang out here and procrastinate for a change. I like it here, and they like that I come here.”
Owner of Leafy Blend, Wendy Griffiths states that while she values all customers, Pike is the exact sort of customer she is hoping to rid her business of.
“He is here every day, purchases a $3.50 coffee and sits by himself at a table for four until we close and he still asks for the wifi password every fucking time,” spat a distraught Griffiths.
“Plus, if he was really writing, would he need to ask for the wifi password?”
According to Pike, his recent journey into the world of procrastination should come as a shock to Griffiths as she now no longer gets updates about his screenplay.