FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact

In an unexpected development, President Trump has caused a spectacle at the historic Betoota RSL over the weekend after missing out on the meat tray. 

In what has been interpreted as an attempt to add credibility to his position after the disappointing election results, Trump visited the iconic RSL on Friday night, accompanied by a substantial Secret Service detail who secured the building 3 hours prior to the President’s arrival.  

According to other patrons present at the time, on arrival Trump fed the Queen of the Nile a few pineapples, which in true Trump form turned out to be a poor investment.  

In an attempt to improve his fortunes, Trump purchased a ticket for the meat tray raffle and a bought a Foster’s Lager, which Americans consider an “Australian Beer”, even though it is neither of those things. 

However, becoming agitated after confusing the Keno screen for election results, the President became further enraged when his meat tray ticket failed to snag the snags. 

“How can the winning ticket be Red 47D? Does that sound right to you? Red 47D? Does this ticket here look like Red 47D?” shouted the bad wig, waving around a ticket that probably wasn’t Red 47D. “Where were the Republican observers? I’ll tell you where: 20 feet away. That’s where. That ticket doesn’t even have a signature on it. The results are invalid! My meat tray has been stolen from me. Stolen! It’s fraud, that’s what it is! This is a clear example of fraud. Yeah. Fraud. The winner isn’t even alive. It was definitely an invalid mail-in ticket. We need a recount to prove that I rightfully won.”  

However, even after the winning ticket was presented and the meat tray claimed by another punter, the future ex-president ordered an inspection of the “rigged, illegal voting machine”, which in this case was a 4 litre ice-cream bucket filled with the remaining tickets.

After tipping the tickets on the floor, the President was asked to leave by the RSA Official and blacklisted from the venue, later tweeting: “There is NO WAY I’ll be going back to the PHONEY THUGS at Betoaster RSL in Austria. Meat tray comp was RIGGED!! Probably by DEMS and Sleepy Joe! Meat tray won by me but STOLEN by FRAUD!! SAD!”


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