LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

As a group of friends listened to the triple j Hottest 100 play the democratically elected top songs of the turd that was 2020, the strangest thing happened that no one who was there can quite explain.

In the backyard of a French Quarter sharehouse, known by its inhabitants as The Mirth Mansion, the pandemically-grey group of mates hung out and listened to the Hottest 100 while spending a suspicious amount of time sinking tins in a kiddie pool.

“We’re baking a cake!” yelled one of the 12 or so bucket hat wearers holding a handful of used cream chargers.

“Don’t anyone steal that joke from me! It’s mine I own it and I’m the funniest person in the world!”

While it was all fun and nangs to start, the day turned to night and the countdown closed in on the top 5 songs. 

“Well track 2 came on, so Quincy announced that he knew what number 1 is like he does every year,” stated party guest Lola Pearce as she put on an extra floppy hat to increase the enjoyment of the top track.

“It finished, Bryce and Ebony kept us in limbo for a bit and then number one came on and all of us…smiled, held hands and sung along.”

“‘This is a great number 1!’ we all chanted in unison as our souls became just that much closer.”

Witnesses report that as number 1 played, the party guests pressed their palms together and formed a circle while they danced around the portable speaker that had worked so hard today.

“No debate! What an excellent and indisputable choice for number one!” they chanted as if all infected with the same hive-minded alien lifeform.

According to Mirth Mansion regulars, this is at odds with at least the last 12 years of Hottest 100 listening parties where the debate over the number one song reached Trump-supporter levels of denying a democratic result.

“When HUMBLE won some people were upset because they thought it was problematic even though most of us thought it wasn’t. Then a weird faction that thought it wasn’t problematic enough piped up and made us listen to it again because we talked too much the first time.”

“But you know what this year has been the most peaceful since 2012 when we all agreed Thriftshop shouldn’t have won.”

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