Public transport, schools and workplaces have been closed down right across Queensland, as the ‘rain bomb’ covering South-East Queensland begins causing floodwaters to rise to record breaking levels well before high-tide – which is expected to take place early tomorrow morning.

More than 1,430 homes are expected to flood as the Brisbane River rises as a result of a deadly weather event which has claimed multiple lives over the last 24 hours. The weather system is moving south today to NSW, as a large number of weather warnings have been issued right across the state, including evacuation warnings warnings.

The people of Queensland are once again grabbing their shovels and brooms and getting out there to help their neighbours sandbag, while both the NSW and QLD Premiers hold round the clock press conferences – complete with sign language translators.

However, as was reported earlier today, Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has been unavailable for comment due to the fact that this major disaster is taking place on a weekend, and is therefore something can wait until he clocks back on tomorrow.

”I already went to Church with the Ukrainians this morning” Scotty whinged to Jenny this afternoon, as the criticism surrounding his lack of input to yet another natural disaster.

”I shouldn’t have to work all weekend. What about the states? This is way more up their alley”

While Defence Minister Peter Dutton takes to Twitter to launch a GoFundMe to raise money to help his constituents without having to dip into the Federal coffers (not a gee up), Scotty has chosen to enjoy this rainy afternoon in Cronulla and just watch from a distance.

”What does everyone expect from me?” He whines to his supportive wife from the lounge of his multi million dollar tax payer funded mansion.

”…to just jump on a jet and go comfort these mouth breathers??”

”I don’t hold a trash pump, mate”

As the Sky News footage wheels out more and more footage of livelihoods being ruined by dangerous waves of floodwaters, Scotty insists on holding strong to send a message to these fickle voters that he’s not just on their beckoned call every minute of the day.

“Maybe if they were kind enough to gift me some more positive polling numbers then maybe I’d sacrifice my Sunday arvo to let them know that we’ll be paying for this shit again, as we always do”

”it’s not like I’m not gonna back at work tomorrow. Hold ya fucken horses”

”Looks like it’s gonna have to be an early start too. Fuck”


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