ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

One of our town’s elders who can’t understand why he feels angry and sad all the time has lashed this morning out at the Coalition government he voted into power.

Betoota Grove man Graeme Chambers is lashing because he’s wondering why his full-franked dividends, one of his major sources of retirement income, is currently teetering on a cliff.

The 68-year-old yelled briefly at The Advocate in Machattie Park after noticing our reporter’s dog was off-the-leash in a designated on-the-leash section of Betoota’s oldest park.

“Get that fucking dog on a leash, you stupid yuppie!” he yelled.

After calming down a bit and learning our reporter’s apartment-dwelling Bernese Mountain dog was quite placid, Chambers apologised and said he was in a foul mood after learning the ASX is set to continue on its Mir-space-station trajectory into the abyss.

“Some mornings I wake up and wonder if Chris Bowen could’ve done a better job managing the economy,” he sighed.

“If his retiree tax would’ve cost me less than what’s happening now. I don’t get it. I voted for Josh because I thought he’d be a better economic manager. Now I might have to see my hobby farm out at Jundah. What will become of my wife’s alpacas? I’ll have to set them free,”

“I’m sorry for chewing your ear off but I’m just really pissed off that the promise of Australia has been broken. I thought ScoMo was going to burn for me but it seems like he’s burning me like Charles VII burned Joan of Arc! Anyway, it seems my fully-franked shares are well on the road to being fully-fucked and I don’t know what to do,”

“Maybe I should start smoking again?”

Our reporter shrugged and said he probably shouldn’t do that because it’s bad for you and makes you feel sick.

Chambers patted our reporters dog then explained he had many more people to yell at on his morning walk and excuse himself.

More to come.


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