ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The holidaying Attorney-General Christian Porter confirmed overnight that it was him who threw a rock through a Perth bus window last night.

Mr Porter, who is currently on paid leave until the news cycle moves past his alleged rape, said he threw the rock because he wanted to and just wanted to feel something.

“If I can still keep my job after doing this, I’m actually invincible,” he said.

“But nothing I do give me a rush anymore. I can’t feel anything. This fucking bus drives past my house every day and I just thought, ‘Fuck it,’ and picked up a rock and just when wang,”

“The driver kept on going but there was glass everywhere. I was aiming at this bloke sitting in the back but I was a bit early on it. Hit the window before him. Fuck. Imagine if I got him? Nothing would happen, I don’t think. I’d just slap that black dog button or ring my cardiologist and get another month or two getting pissled by randoms down at Cottesloe Beach,”

“I might make some spike strips at home next and try to burst some tyres on an ambulance or something. Just anything to make me feel something. Like the fear of losing my job. I don’t have that right now because the Big Fella went on TV and said I was innocent so get a load of that. Tell your story walking, mate.”

“Just a few more weeks and this’ll all go away.”

A spokesperson for Perth Buses said the Attorney-General could’ve easily killed someone and that his behaviour is unbecoming of someone admitted to the Supreme Court of WA.

Brent Cone, from Perth’s premiere bus company, explained if anyone else did that, they’d be in jail right now.

“This bloke seems to think he’s above the law,” said Mr Cone.

“Well, I guess if the Prime Minister says you are then what else can you do? Who becomes the arbiter of justice? Some insane person like Sirhan Sirhan? Not in this country,”

“I’d like Mr Porter to pay for the damages to the bus. Otherwise, we might have to get some lads from the east to throw a pot of DOT4 on his car. You want to piss someone off? Do that.”

More to come.


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