ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Popular cricket identity Mark Waugh has shrugged off Virat Kohli’s first century this decade, telling viewers of Fox Cricket that he reckons you could dig up the remains of the late Fred Spofforth, put some pads on the corpse, and Fred would also be able to ton up on this pitch.

“This isn’t a bit of the Hume or Bruce Highway,” said Waugh.

“This is a section of runway. It’s tarmac. You could dig up Fred Spofforth!”

Fellow commentator Matthew Hayden’s lips started to curl.

“You could dig him up, put some pads on his legs. Put a length of good 20mm dowel in his hands and wheel him out to the middle. He’d get a century on this pitch. There’s no hyperbole in that. That’s what I’m looking at. We’ve seen spinners turn balls around corners for the last three Tests, so in a panic, they go out to Delhi airport or wherever the hell we are, they cut a section of the runway out, and they’ve dropped it in the middle of a cricket ground,”

“Honestly, Haydos, have you ever seen anything like it?”

His commentary partner nodded but didn’t say anything.

“Yeah, I don’t reckon it’s that bad, Junior,” said Haydos.

“We’re talking about a man that died nearly a hundred years ago. He’s probably just soil now.”

Junior shook his head.

“That only makes my point even stronger. You could put pads on a bag of potting mix, mix that was once Fred Spofforth, and it would probably score 200!”

More to come.


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