A semi-retired accountant from Betoota’s Flight Path District has today fulfilled his duty by making a disgusting reference to the healthy intimacy he still shares with his wife.

62-year-old Billy Nixon has never been a prude, and he also takes great pleasure in helping his kids visualise him and their mother in the cot.

Like many suburban dads who reckon they coulda been stand up comedians in another lifetime, he’s constantly finding new ways to reference his vivacious sexual appetite for Debbie, his wife of 35 years.

After an afternoon on the chardys with the missus, Billy has decided to draw on a major news story to convey just how touchy-feely things are getting between the two of them.

With their adult kids sitting around the table for dinner, he goes for it.

“How bout that earthquake down in Melbourne today” he announces, loudly.

“Magnitude of 5.8 they reckon… That’s worse then Newcastle in 1989”

His family, having already discussed today’s news story at length before they sat down for tea, can sense he’s up to something.

“I tell ya what though… Melbourne and Newy have got nothing on the earthquake Betoota is expecting tonight”

His daughters groan as Billy winks at their mum, who begins to blush and giggle.

Still, the dim-witted oldest son Pete isn’t quite across it.

“Yeah I’d be careful you lot” he says.

“This house might be shaking a bit later as well”

“Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!”

His kids go quiet as they attempt to detach themselves from the visions currently searing in their mind’s eye.

Billy is almost gasping with laughter as his wife gives him the smoky eye and flicks her hair.

“Quick!!! Kids!” he roars.

“Get near… [laughter]…. Get near a doorway”

“Batten down the hatches!!!”

“This might be off the richter!!”

“HA HA HA HA!!!”


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