ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Bill Shorten’s election campaign was derailed earlier this week after the jarheaded Victorian misheard a question about superannuation, the nation’s media reported.

However, a number of sources from within the ALP have revealed to The Advocate that this latest stumble by Bill is all part of the plan.

This time around, Labor is using the Matt Dunning drop goal technique.

Matt Dunning was a popular rugby forward who played a number of games for the NSW Waratahs and Wallabies. He is a well-liked individual and probably works in a bank now.

But one of his achievements outshines the all his others.

During a game against some New Zealand team about ten or so years ago, Dunning slotted a field goal when his team, the blue one, needed a try to secure a bonus point – thus ending his team’s chance at making the finals.

The hapless Dunning never thought in his wildest dreams that the ball would sail between the posts – but a small part of Dunning’s soul hoped the ball did. Deep down inside the Canadian-born prop’s heart, he wanted to slot that field goal, no matter the cost.

Nevertheless, Labor has adopted that mantra this election campaign.

“Bill is going to win this election, even if he tries not to,” said the senior ALP strategist.

“Much like Matt Dunning wasn’t trying to kick that field goal. As much as he tried not to, he still did. History remembers the winners and fortune favours the brave,”

“In all honesty, Bill could get caught pissing in his own mouth and the majority of people in the country would still vote for him. He could reverse over Cate Blanchett’s dog and he’d still win every seat in Melbourne,”

“So don’t rule anything out and if you own a small business, get ready to pay way more tax. But it’s going to better the lives of Australians who aren’t as advantaged as you, so suck it up, you bed-wetting pansy.”

More to come.


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