ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

An aftermarket snorkel kit on an inner-city Land Rover Discovery has told The Advocate this morning that he’s ready for a Townsville-scale flood to come to Betoota’s leafy suburbs – but until that day, he lies in wait.

Despite living atop a large limestone ridge, far away from any semblance of a water course, the road from the palatial six-bedder the Disco is parked out the front of each night to the local private school district dips through a shallow creek.

Speaking exclusively to our reporter this morning from outside the French Quarter Charcoal Charlie’s, the snorkel said he’d be able to suck air up to about six feet – and that even if our desert republic ended up underwater, he’d still be able to get the kids to school.

“I haven’t got much experience with any water higher than the hubs, but I’ve been designed to tackle some of the planet’s harshest terrain so I’m not worried,” said the ninety-seven-thousand-dollar automobile.

“My Defender brothers and their Land Cruiser cousins are doing it tough up there in the gulf country and I salute them. I’m ready for a similar rain event to happen here,”

“Bring it on. That shallow creek from home to The Whooton School is no match for me. I don’t even care if the road is closed, that sign isn’t for me, it’s for poons in X-Trails and Patrols. Nissans have flies on them. People who drive them have actual brain damage and shouldn’t be allowed to vote!”

Our reporter attempted to speak to the Land Rover’s owner but they were too important to give comment.

They pulled back onto Jones Avenue without indicating and almost caused an accident.

More to come.

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