A freelance team of underwater geomapping experts have today revealed some of the spectacular 3D images of the Harbour floor and its surprising contents.

Some of the findings show very interesting changes since last year’s surveyor maps.

The most surprising being the thousands of abandoned iPhones belonging to nervous NRL players next to every bridge and waterside highway in the city.

Four hydrographic surveyors at Sydney Ports keep an ever-vigilant eye on the bottom of the Harbour to make sure possible dangers in the depths do not disrupt water traffic on Port Jackson.

“There most be every footballer in the city’s iPhone in there” said lead researcher, Professor Dallas Fulton.

“Luckily none of the phones are still working, which I think was the point”

With funding from the NRL the scientists used a “multibeam echo sounder’’ system, valued at $750,000 to make detailed 3-D maps of the Harbour floor.

“The NRL just wanted to make sure all the players had done as they were told and thrown their fucken phones away”

This follows the social media firestorm last month that saw footage emerge showing of a number of players and their dodgy hanger-on mates performing sex acts and doing heaps of cocaine.

Australia’s finance sector and federal government say that they are relieved this kind of media shit storm has coincided at the same time as the very concerning findings released as part of the Banking Royal Commission.

Similar 3D maps are currently underway in the major water systems of Newcastle, Brisbane and Townsville.

No one cares about Titans players.



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