A locked-down Melbournian bachelor has today decided to try and get back on the horse.

Speaking to The Advocate this morning, the man named Pete Sidebottom explained that it’s been a rough few months for his love life, and he’s in the midst of a bit of an El Niño weather event right now.

“Yeah, hasn’t been a lot happening so to speak,” explained Sidebottom today.

“Which, is why I am applying for the job of a Melbourne hotel security guard,” he explained.

“Might be a good chance to get back into it,” said the bachelor.

His claims follow allegations that privately hired contractors working as security guards at a couple of Melbourne Hotels where international travellers were quarantining, had sex with the isolating guests.

It’s alleged that the private firms hired to provide security were surprisingly not training, equipping and monitoring the people they hired properly, allowing for a bit of horizontal jigging and hotel guests moving from room to room relatively freely and even out into the big wide world for little trips here and there.

“Sounds like it’s a bit of fun aye,” explained the Melbourne applicant who is hoping to break the drought so to speak.

“And apparently cause they are a dodgy private company, not like the ADF in other states, they don’t even get your Tax File Number or anything. They just pay ya cash in hand and do whatever you want.”

“I’ll just get sick if they call me up to a Royal Commission,” he laughed.

“Fingers crossed. It’s always a bit exciting in a hotel too.”


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