After nearly 12 months in the job, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese keeps catching himself slipping back into his old Radio Birdman ways.

While the PM assured the nation that he was going to be a ‘leader for all Australians’ during the 2022 Federal Election campaign, he can’t help but wonder what’d be like to hit them with the old bong-smoking Newtown radical that he once was.

However, Albo insists that his Prime Ministerial rebrand is authentic – and he isn’t about to jeopardise Labor’s first term of holding government in ten years by revealing that he was a secret hardcore leftie sleeper cell all along.

It’s for this reason that he has to pretend he didn’t watch the ABC’s 7:30 report last night.

In a wildly vague but EXPLOSIVE exposè, the ABC has broadcast footage provided to them by animal activists who say they broke into multiple abattoirs to capture the secret footage in what’s intended to shine a light on the Australian pork industry.

As seen in the footage, Australian pigs undergo a process called “stunning” where they lose consciousness before they are killed, with 85 per cent of pigs undergoing carbon dioxide stunning. Like rats, or monkeys do in medical labs. This is apparently the most ethical way to process these animals that we enjoy deep frying and covering in sweet and sour sauce.

The ABC were forced to clarify that this footage, while rather unpleasant and emotive to watch, did not show any illegal practices – except for the activists breaking into the slaughterhouse.

But whether it’s illegal or not doesn’t matter, because it is an awful thing to watch. Hundreds of thousands of viewers have since commented about how they thought watching pigs getting slaughtered would be much more enjoyable – and how distressed they are to learn that isn’t the case.

With emotions running high on Twitter, ABC producers are salivating at the idea that their fearless work might force politicians into a knee-jerk decision to immediately ban abattoirs, in the same way Julia Gillard banned Live Cattle Exports and Mike Baird banned Greyhound racing in the face of pressure from Animal Rights Groups and countless online petitions.

It is not yet known if Albanese is being urged to place immediate bans on this entire industry from the leftie fringes of his own party, or the new Teal and Greens MPs in Parliament House.

However, one thing is for certain, there is absolutely no pressure on him from the enlightened lefties to do anything about the Four Corners report into the corruption of the Real Estate Industry that was broadcasted immediately after the pork industry exposè.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here