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In case you have too much self-respect to read the Herald Sun or listen to Melbourne talkback radio, you might not know about the conservative media’s newest martyr of cancel culture, Andrew Thorburn.

The Kiwi banking executive has sensationally quit his new role as chief executive officer of the Essendon FC, not even 24 hours after his appointment.

Thorburn’s snap decision is reportedly a result of him suffering extreme discrimination from the general public, who were giving him shit about his openly bigoted opinions.

This comes after it was revealed he was chairman of a church organisation, City on a Hill, that has publicly denounced homosexuality and likened abortion to the operation of concentration camps in casual Sunday sermons.

Thorburn’s recruitment was initially described by Essendon president David Barham as “bold and decisive” but was met with vocal criticism from high-profile members of the club, who were quick to flag that giving the keys of their club to fundamentalist Christian probably wasn’t the right call in the backdrop of all these new culture reviews that paint the AFL as a nasty boys club that harbours extremely racist and elitist practices.

Speaking to reporters after Thorburn’s exit was made official, Barham said 57-year-old Thorburn was given a choice between retaining his role at the club or at the church, and he chose the church.

The Bombers president denounced the comments from the City on a Hill sermon as “horrible” and “not something that’s reflected in the values of the Essendon Football Club at all”.

The violins of status-anxious powerful old white men are screeching today, as every columnist and shock jock take great pleasure in using their faviour new words like ‘woke’ and ‘cancel’ culture. Thorburn’s allies have saturated every media channel available today protesting this uncomfortable new political climate where football clubs have to think twice about hiring homophobic multimillionaires.

In fact, Thorburn’s treatment from Essendon’s own members is by far the most concerning cultural issue within the AFL right now.

Even more worrying than that external review commissioned by the Hawthorn Football Club that revealed allegations that key figures at the AFL club demanded the separation of young Aboriginal players from their partners, and pressured one couple to terminate a pregnancy.

Even more worrying than all of the black footballers coming out of the woodwork to say that this isn’t just a Hawthorn and Collingwood issue.

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