Continuing the proud Australian tradition of being completely inept at handling cold weather, local cafes are continuing to serve novel cups of soup to chilly customers, despite the fact that halfway through July, it’s wearing pretty thin by now.

Every June, anxious caffeine addicts are treated to the smell of fresh soup coming from a countertop soup pot. Some choose to warm themselves with a nice warm cup of soup that comes in flavours such as pumpkin and nothing else.

However, the mere sight of these soup cauldrons is now less of a cheerful winter warmer as it is a grim reminder that we’re only halfway through this woeful weather and that there is ultimately nothing soup can do to stop that.

“It comes with a roll,” whimpered cafe proprietor Jim Dunham.

“Have some. Forget things for a bit.”

Dunham’s cafe Wolf & Berry is just one of a slew of French Quarter cafes accused of giving up mid-soup-season and changing their Soup of the Day to a much more manageable Soup of the Week.

“Who even gives a shit anymore? I look into the soup pot and I don’t see soup anymore. I see the things I never tried because I was too scared. I see the nights I couldn’t sleep because I felt afraid. I see the souls of those who I could not save. I see a dark, colourless moon devouring us all, our tears flowing like a river and swirling together into this pot of miserable, agonising soup.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here