North-Brisbane-based glass balustrade installer, Strath Pynsenna (33), might be making a bit of money out of the Sunshine Coast property boom, but he still remembers what it’s like to be poor as shit.

After growing up in public housing in the back of Caboolture under Peter Beattie, Strath worked every day to get his young family and mum out of there.

Eventually ending up in a glorious McMansion a couple clicks south in Kallangar, Strath has survived a lot of highs and lows in the construction game.

From the 2008 GFC to the Brisbane high-rise oversupply of 2014, he realises that as a small business-owner in an industry that relies on economic growth, there are a lot of risks.

Which is why he voted for the Liberals on the weekend. Because there was absolutely no risk, and he’s not back to eating devon on bread in fucking Caboolture.

While he admits to owning a lot of toys, including two financed four-wheeled-drives, a financed-jet-ski and a home theatre system the size of the Chermside Event Cinemas – he could lose this all in a matter of months if something dramatic were to happen to the economy.

And what’s worse, if he dies in a worksite accident, his kids could end up living a life like the one he had to endure. Which is why this death tax he kept seeing on Facebook scared the shit out of him.

“All I’m hearing from the newspapers is that Shorten was going to tax me out of the arse.” said Strath, when asked why he voted for Peter Dutton on the weekend.

“Why were they so big on touching shit? I would have voted the cunt in if he just shut up and promised stability”

While Strath and his wife, North Pynesenna (33) surprised pollsters, politicians and the media over the weekend with their decision to re-elect one of the scariest men in politics – nothing is more surprising than the fact that he couldn’t be convinced to not do it by a bunch of 20-something GetUp! campaigner who were flown up from Sydney.

“We are really going to have to reassess our approach to suburban Australia” said GetUp’s Chief Bogan Whisperer, Rye Chusskent.

“The fact that our crack team of Isla, Alyssa, Oliver and Aquila were unable to convince blokes like Strath to vote for a nameless Labor candidate is a real worry”

“Maybe we need to look at possibly talking a bit slower? Ya know, so these mouth-breathing bogan deplorables can understand what we are saying”

“I just don’t know how they still voted for him after that whole complex childcare centre thing the Guardian reported on”


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