WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact

In some breaking news out of our country’s most cosmopolitan city, Bill Shorten has just announced his next career move.

After somehow losing last weekend’s election, the former Labor Party leader is set to find his feet at the Carlton Football Club as their runner.

A runner in AFL is a club official whose job is to run onto the ground to give the players messages from the coach during play.

The perfect marriage of mediocrity comes at a crisis point for both parties, with Carlton hopeful the signing might win them a couple more games this season.

While it’s not known how the Member for Maribyrnong’s parliamentary responsibility will be affected by the role, the Big Bang and How I Met Your Mother enthusiast said he is looking forward to getting into it.

“Obviously this weekend was pretty tough, and I don’t want to talk about it to be honest,” Shorten said to us today.

“But yes, this runner job is very exciting.”

“As the country is well aware, I enjoy running very much. And this new job is a great opportunity.”

“And I’m now very good at losing, so I’ll fit right in with the club culture hear at Carlton.”

“I’m already working on a career assassination of Patrick Cripps in an effort to take his job.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here