ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

As a lifelong skeptic of the Warren Commission Report into the assassination of JFK, the Member for Kennedy Bob Katter has finally been able to put the so-called “work of fiction” to the test.

Harnessing the power of technology available to people in this day and age, Mr Katter said that despite his initial expectations, he was pleasantly surprised by how he performed.

The Father of the House was playing an adapted version of JFK Reloaded, a video game where the goal is to recreate the Warren Commission’s findings exactly.

“I was able to recreate the shot that killed JFK, somewhat,” said Katter with the VR goggles still atop his head.

“But I had to try my own theories out. Unfortunately, there was no option to take a shot from the grassy knoll, which is where he was shot by the CIA for his soft stance on Beatlemania. However, some of my own theories include that the first bullet actually bounced off the road first, which I was able to do because these computers can simulate where the bullet goes. By the end of the show, the bloke running the show was calling me Annie Oakley!”

“I was bouncing bullets off streetlights, off the dashboard. Anywhere. I must’ve shot JFK in the head over 50 times. They give you a score at the end, too. It can be a real comedy. I shot the driver just to see what would happen and you know what? You shoot the driver and the car just speeds off and they all die.”

“Tell you what, if I were Lee Harvey Oswald, I would’ve shot the driver. I’ve tested many theories in this so-called video game, and that is by far the best.” “What I found most haunting was that in one scenario, I opted to do nothing. I just watched JFK drive by and into the pages of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what the world would’ve been like had he not been shot in the head. But I just couldn’t help myself the second time, and I shot the Texas governor in the right ear and blew his frontal lobes down the back of the windscreen. Hi-ho, silver!”

More to come.


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