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Former Australian Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, said he has “no recollection” of working as a hotel security guard in June this year, despite new revelations by NewsCorp that he was one of the private contractors who may be responsible for ruining the Australian economy.

As some people may choose to not remember, Melbourne had largely beaten the coronavirus at the end of April – and had no new cases recorded for several days in a row.

However, by the end of July, cases were soaring upwards again.

Suspected COVID-sufferers staying at the five-star Stamford Plaza in Melbourne were told to isolate in their rooms for a 14-day period after arriving in Australia at the peak of the coronavirus pandemic.

However, this plan was not fool proof, and four months late, the city of Melbourne is now only just coming out of their lockdown.

The second wave of coronavirus infections have since been blamed on security guards who were reportedly having sex with quarantined travellers at the hotels where they were being held.

The completely balanced and bipartisan journalists at NewsCorp are reporting that former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd may have been one of these guard, although that is unconfirmed, but Peter Dutton reckons it could be true.

Mr Rudd says he was “blindsided” by the findings which came to light after Herald Sun journalists exposed links between Kevin Rudd’s new job as labour-hire security guard, and Melbourne’s second wave.

The Herald Sun reports that Kevin Rudd was picking up a few extra shifts as a seccie over winter, when he was confronted by an Aspen ski bunny who had certain desires that she could not satisfy while quarantining on her lonesome.

“Care to join me, Mr Rudd” moaned the sexy hotel guest, who was not yet aware she was suffering from an upper respiratory infection that has killed millions of people around the world.

“You either sit back as a security guard and do nothing and just wait for this issue to fix itself, or you step in and try and fill the breach for a temporary period” Rudd reportedly said to his colleagues at the hotel.

“That means temporary lockdowns. People have to understand that, because there’s going to be the usual political shit storm, sorry, political storm when I leave her hotel room carrying the virus”

NewsCorp’s jackboots say that it’s just a coincidence that a series of stories linking Kevin Rudd to Jeffrey Epstein, the formation of ISIS, and now the early clusters of COVID-19 all came out on the same day – and that this strategic barrage of hit-pieces have absolutely nothing to do with the nearly 400,000 signatures that Kevin Rudd has amassed on his petition calling for a Royal Commission into the Murdoch Family’s influence over our nation’s politics through their impenetrable ownership of a vast majority of Australian print and television.


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