ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister has spelled out exactly what is happening with the tax cuts this year; so clearly that even the most ardent outer-metro mouth-breather can understand what’s going on this July.

Anthony Albanese has made it clear that everyone is getting a tax cut before telling reporters in Sydney this morning that it’s actually not everyone but most people are affected because they’re doing some “cool things” with the tax-free threshold.

“Look, uh, I don’t have the figures in front of me but I’m sure your, uh, readers and listeners or, uh, viewers in the case of, uh, Mr Croucher here in the front, uh, but yes, it’s, uh, actually quite simple, and, uh, it’s as easy as playing the 17th hole at Marrickville golf club, uh, where you need to high, a, uh, high cut if you are uh, that way inclined and but, uh, if you’re a good player, like many Australians are around the country, uh, hardworking Australians, then you play the big power draw and pray,”

“That’s what Australians are good at. Trusting government. I mean, not historically, tell that to Governor Bligh! Anyway, I think all Australians can rest assured knowing that everyone is getting a tax cut. Nothing has changed, uh, it’s just the amount. Tell you what, uh, that new kitchen at Marrickville golf club is the tits. I do miss the Romanians with their pizza, they used to burn the edges a bit and the cheese, man, it’d make your see clearer than you would after a trip to Ted Noffs, but I had one of those bacon and egg rolls the other morning and I tell you what, it was on brioche with a slice of cheese, honestly like eating depleted uranium it’s that dense. Filling but richer than Gina. It made my arse jiggle for a week.”

The Prime Minister then took a number of questions but simply told the media scrum to google any questions they had about the actual tax cuts because there was a press release from the Treasurer a few hours ago that spelled out all the boring details.

More to come.


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