The Federal Government has today vented its frustration about the lack of action on the housing crisis in Australia.

Not because their housing policy is a steaming pile of dog shit on a nice carpet, but because the Greens and Coalition refuse to step on their steaming pile of dog shit and smear it all over the carpet.

“The Greens are letting their perfect of perfection get in the way of actual outcomes,” said high ranking minister Penny Wong today in regards to her parties policy which is offering up fuck all outcomes.

“They are getting into bed with Coalition to block us from forcing through a policy which will do very little to combat the fact successive Labor and Coalition governments have turned a universal human right into a way for people to make eye-watering amounts of money.”

“We are going to spend 10 billion dollars on this issue,” lied Wong, continuing to gloss over the fact the “10 billion dollar investment” is an “investment fund” that can spend a maximum of 500 million dollars a year on building public and affordable housing.

“I mean we are going to put put 10 billion dollars into the stock market and then maybe spend 500 million of it on housing, but a 10 billion dollar housing policy sounds much better.”

The extremely weird move of creating an investment fund for a government, has raised few eyebrows in the media, with many choosing to just pretend 10 billion bucks worth of homes are going to be built.

The policy will reportedly see 20,000 social housing properties and 10,000 affordable homes over five years – which will certainly solve the ‘supply issue’ for a nation that has 1 million empty properties right now.

The Coalition have blocked the policy because that is their default position on anything not related to defence spending, along with the Greens who have called for more action to be taken.

The Greens are calling for $5 billion a year to spent building public housing as well as a rent regulation (something which happens in plenty of other countries in the world).

However the Labor government has hosed down these crazy pie in the sky ideas that cost far less than negative gearing for people who are making money of the fact other people can’t afford to buy a house.

“Sorry, you want us to spend 5 billion dollars on building public houses?” laughed Penny Wong, whose party brought in negative gearing – a policy which will cost $97 billion over the next ten years.

“That’s so fiscally irresponsible.”

“We’d much rather just prop up the housing bubble by ensuring it’s a legitimate way for people to make millions of dollars for doing very little.”

More to come.


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