In the newest hand grenade thrown directly into the Prime Minister’s lap by his rural colleagues, Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce has today penned a 3500-word op-ed in The Age that has the potential to completely fuck over Scotty’s glorious new AUKUS partnership.

AUKUS is a trilateral security pact between Australia, the United Kingdom and the United States, announced on 15 September 2021 as part of Scott Morrison’s constant provoking of China aimed at winning him another term as Prime Minister with a ‘khaki election’.

However, the amazing photoshoot of middle aged white male war mongering has not gone gone to plan.

First Morrison received extreme backlash for fucking over the French by cancelling pre-existing European submarine contracts to suck up to Biden. This diplomatic row was then followed by a stream of apologies from the White House to Emmanuel Macron, who claim that the Australian Prime Minister had not been truthful in his correspondence.

Now, today, after only just managing to hold onto the AUKUS partnership with both hands, Scott Morrison has been dealt anothe blow.

Deputy Prime Minister and notorious troublemaker, Barnaby Joyce, has today made it very well known that he believes Julian Assange should not be extradited to the United States to face espionage charges, calling for the WikiLeaks founder to either be put on trial in Britain or brought back to Australia.

Mr Joyce said the Australian citizen, who has spent more than two years in Belmarsh Prison in south-east London, should not be forcibly sent to the US because he was not on American soil at the time of his alleged offences.

Assange is trying to avoid extradition to the US to face 18 charges relating to the publication of hundreds of thousands of classified military documents and diplomatic cables more than a decade ago, causing a lot of pain and inconvenience for Scotty’s nuclear-submarine-building allies in America and the UK.

Upon reading his own Deputy Prime Minister’s rather indulgent 3500-word quarantine thinkpiece today, Morrison let out a guttural moan, before tearing the newspaper in half.

“Fuuuuuck!” he said.

“Who the fuck is Barnaby to offer his opinion on whether or not this man should be tortured to death in Guatanamo Bay”

“Can’t these toothless hicks just stay in their lane and stick to complaining about water not falling from the sky”


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