WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT
The nation’s opposition leader has reportedly been rushed to hospital this afternoon, after a shocking health scare in the bush capital.
This comes after Peter Dutton decided to bring a large chunk of uranium into Parliament House today, causing our parliamentarians to scramble in a mad rush.
It’s believed Dutton brought the sizeable lump of uranium into the parliamentary chamber in an effort to replicate Scott Morrison’s famous coal stunt, where he told the ‘greenies not to be afraid of coal’ to the raucous laughter of his party who were taking huge donations from the minerals and resources lobby.
However, the decision to bring the dangerous bit of metal in has now not only threatened the climate bill, but also the health of Dutton and all of his colleagues.
The move to bring in a highly radioactive chunk of the mineral has caused a lockdown of the nation’s parliament, and medical professionals to spring into action.
Staff at one of the major Canberra hospitals are now reportedly dealing with the fallout of the decision, with Dutton now isolated in a specialised isolated arm of the Intensive Care Unit.
“Yeah, understandably we are very worried about him,” said one of the staff.
“Obviously the half-life of this shit lasts a lot longer than Peter’s predicted full life.”
“He’s Radioactive like Imagine Dragons right now.”
The nurse then asked our reporter to Imagine him Dragon something across his face, before bursting into giggles and ending the interview.
More to come.