The Nation

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Online telecommunications app Skype has announced today that it is not leaving your taskbar without a bloody, gruesome fight. Even after being replaced by much easier to use and far more reliable apps, Skype is hanging in there - only because it is so hard to get rid of. Released in 2003, the telecommunications app wowed people by making...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT French Quarter craft beer pub, the Gropey Sailor, has had to close its doors after failing to corner the lucrative paisley shirt wearing market. Opened on the simple premise of nauseatingly-potent beer at airport prices, the Gropey Sailor failed to gain a loyal clientele as they did little to cater to large groups of young men wearing short...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With the family home now nothing but a bare space of settling dust, it appears that the Christmas festivities are officially over for 2018. If it wasn't the fact that every single bed in the house is now stripped, or the fact that mum is currently googling fitness regimes, the most obvious way of telling that Christmas is...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT David Warner is once again having fingers pointed at him today. This time, it's the Cronulla Sharks who are blaming the former Australian cricket vice captain, for all of their woes, after enduring one of the worst weeks in the club’s history. The NRL club were this week issued with an $800,000 fine while coach Shane Flanagan is set to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of the curators of the Melbourne Cricket Ground has told reporters this morning that he tried overnight to get a bit more life into the wicket by using a defibrillator he found in Bay Q11. Darren Tuxworth, a junior groundsman at the nation's largest sporting colosseum, spoke briefly to The Advocate around 9am this...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Oh for fucks sake!" he sighed. "I've only just got dry. Hey! Hey!! You!" But they didn't hear local lifeguard Matt Laulsen, they were too keen to try out their new Christmas present down at the Lake Betoota Surfing Complex. That entitled old boomer fuck that Matt was yelling out to this afternoon was Ian Craig,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact As the the sore heads try to pretend they aren't sore, the extended family makes their way back to the living area that hosted yesterday's family Christmas. It is not lost on the kids that the older family members are moving a bit slower, but no one is moving as slow as you. That's because you got overexcited and did...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT For the 16th time in as many years, this year's Christmas gifts haven't even gotten close to the excitement that came with the holographic bright green front cover of the 2003 Guinness Book Of World Records. While mum nearly got close a few years ago with a gift voucher for the Australian Geographic store in the local Westfield,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A former sporting great turned sports-betting great has today proven to the the younger members of his extended family that he has indeed still got it. Despite his very visible, and clearly audible, lack of fitness - Corey (33) has been letting that chin music play all morning. From the worrying amount of puffing he has been doing after...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent study by the Australian Farmers Federation, in partnership with both the CSIRO and Australian Bureau Of Statistics has found that cherries can never make you feel like you are full. It has been confirmed that the average human will not even notice that they eaten over one hundred, maybe more, cherries on Christmas Day. While there are...