The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Short of running out the front door and throwing himself under the D45 bus to the French Quarter, there's no real escape for one local man who is currently trapped in a conversation with an errant family member. Douglas Pearson, of Betoota Heights, spoke candidly to The Advocate just a short moment ago over his...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Australia is not only under attack from homosexuals, fornicators and climate scientists, it's also under attack from communism. That's according to the Prime Minister, who spent this morning answering questions from the media as he stood shirtless on Sydney's Wanda Beach. "China," said Scott Morrison. "China in particular poses a clear and present danger to the Australian...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT US President Donald Trump has vowed a "very long" government shutdown if Democrats do not fund his border wall, even though he said Mexico was going to pay for it. Mr Trump is demanding $5.7bn (£4.5bn), which was passed by the House of Representatives, but is expected to be rejected in the Senate, who can't believe he is actually...

TRACEY BENDIGNER | Society | Contact Local man Adam Smithfield has today found himself in a different kind of drought to the one that his farming family have been in for the past 10 years.  After upping his Tinder search radius to 100km, poor Adam has already run out of potential romantic rendezvous in just 35 seconds of beginning his search.  Usually the...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact A family braces for a culinary disaster today after learning that Auntie Jackie has been put in charge of cooking the Christmas turkey. The matriarch of the Barron family, Judith, has taken a particular distaste to the news, drawing comparisons between Aunty Jackie and a sense-deprived mute. “I don’t know what Val was thinking, putting Jackie in...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact Betoota Heights Year 10 student Sam appears to have grown a set of balls as well as a hankering for beer this Christmas after boldly sneaking a beer out of the Esky while his mum’s back was turned. What Sam was yet to learn though was that Mum was like the three-eyed raven, she...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Morrison is today wondering whether now is a good time to air out as much of the government's dirty laundry as possible, while the nation is all caught up in festivities. "Maybe we could release a few of the findings from the Royal Commission" he says. "Or maybe that thing that happened in the Catholic Church. You know,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local Betootan school leaver has confirmed today that she is very much looking forward to the week ahead. Recently completing her secondary schooling at a local high school in Betoota Heights, Brydie Hammersmith is heading out of town next year to study at UTS Insearch - but not before a Christmas/New Year of unwanted questions about the dismal...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Local payroll software salesman Kyle Shayler has today drawn upon his industry intuition, and navigated his way around a sticky situation. A couple of beers deep at a client Christmas party in Betoota's Old City District, Shayler was caught a little off guard. Like many other salesmen around the country, Shayler has a distinct disregard for the people who keep...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact It has been confirmed today that the people of Australia are far more intrigued by current the battle between two test cricket captains, than the outcome of the next federal election. With a federal election looming around May next year, it has been confirmed that everyone is significantly more interested in who finishes the victor this summer in the Paine-Kohli matchup. This...