The Nation

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As COVID-19 social distancing measures continue to be rolled back in order to tickle the economy before it turns over and dies, Australians have been left to ponder which politician is so obsessed with boot camps. During multiple press conferences, Prime Minister Scotty from Marketing has called out the safety of boot camps specifically in almost every instance, meaning...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact In a Betoota Grove home an older dog maned Toby has had to hide under his family’s cubby house this afternoon after his K9 senses began tingling, alerting him that something very bad was about to happen. Speaking with The Advocate’s Pet Clairvoyant, a visibly shaking Toby explained how scared he was at the prospect of having yet another...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT After month’s of research the World Health Organisation (WHO) has released a highly anticipated report outlining exactly when we can expect life to return to normal and be able to lick traffic signal buttons again. In order to minimise the spread of COVID-19, responsible citizens have taken up new public practices such as social distancing and not using the...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With the majority of the world’s developed nations backing a probe into the spread of COVID-19, local butcher George Loukakis (52) is throwing his two cents at the wall. Known for controversial stances such as putting corn kernels in a sausage, Loukakis has been treating any customer foolish enough to make small talk with opinions on who is to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In an incredible turn of events, our Prime Minister has made a sensational offer to get back in China's good books. Speaking this afternoon, Scott Morrison formally apologised to the Chinese government for winding them up, in a backflip of Mike Baird proportions, before extending a very personal and olive branch. His offer to Chinese President Xi Jinping...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A red-faced goon who owns a number of properties in Betoota Heights has been forced to fix one of them up today after finding out the hard way that it's a renters market right now. Graham Pooley's three-bedroom weatherboard home on Green Road has some severe rising damp and mould issues that he's been able...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A very nice man walked into one of our town's most popular restaurants for well-healed young people last night and asked for a table for two. Peter Grinley was out on a stroll with a friend and decided Kong Krete Greek Asian was as good a place as any they'd walked past. The French Quarter institution...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Leaked government documents suggest a plan for massive gas subsidies, public investment and the destruction of our ancient water table in order to get the struggling economy back on track. The first section of the document outlines that the byproduct of destroying the water table, natural gas, is a valuable commodity on the global market....

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After not catching up with the extended family on the Gold Coast for two Christmases, it seems one of the younger cousins has somehow been given the okay to begin a rapid transformation into one of those chicks. While she was always a bit of a diva, it never seemed like the middle child Klaudia would be the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Baoding Billycart, known as the Great Wall Steed to the layperson, might be the next innocent victim in Australia's ongoing 'cold trade war' with China as the nation's ambassador to Beijing said Australians wouldn't be taking these new sanctions lying down. Each year, Australians buy thousands of Great Wall Steeds and many more have...