The Nation

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A local woman has cemented her status as office pariah today after she was seen taking single bites off multiple hot wings. It’s alleged the incident occurred during the annual office potluck, which should have been a good opportunity for workmates to get to know each other a glass of wine, and mutual love of cob loaf. However, for account coordinator Lynn...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The lukewarm success that is SAS Australia is coming to an end tonight as the final celebrities left learn if they're tough enough to join the nation's peak group of soldiers. However, one family favourite will not be joining them tonight after last night refusing to complete the show's penultimate challenge. "I am not going to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local aspiring jock who never quite reached the heights of local first-grade footy has today given his take on the war crimes in Afghanistan. Local accountant Kerry Roberts, who runs an army-style boot camp on Friday mornings and did 18 months in the Army Reserves explained that all these 'sheep' just don't get it. "Yeah, it's so fucking...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As Adelaide returns to a state of suspended animation, cars have begun to return and reclaim the city's weird bus tracks for themselves. The Advocate spoke briefly to SA Premier Steven Marshall, who explained that the editors of this masthead should be ashamed of themselves. "No, your newspaper has been blacklisted with my office," he said. "You...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact For the first time in over a week, South Australia has recorded no new cases of body in barrel. The news comes as the state's defacto leader, Steven Marshall, ordered a snap six-day lockdown yesterday that came into effect at midnight after 17 people this week were murdered and crammed into barrels then left to...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Ahead of the State of Origin game 3 decider, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has made it clear that his allegiance once again is with his ‘mighty blue team.’ “I only have to buy the one scarf thus bringing us closer to surplus!” stated Mr Morrison as he waved his Cronulla Sharks flag, careful to cover the Penfolds stain it...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The South Australian Premier Steven Marshall has ordered a snap six-day lockdown of the entire state from midnight tonight as they grapple a possible second wave of the spicy cough. Marshall said he would've shut them immediately if it wasn't for tonight's State of Origin decider in Brisbane. "I wanted to give the people of South...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A young man from out town's French Quarter has been forced to pop into his local Men's Shed this afternoon to knock in his new cricket bat after his housemates got fed up with the constant banging. Situated on the corner of Rue de Branlette and Des Jardins Du Putain, the French Quarter Men's Shed...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Federal Government's sex scandal has taken another turn today, with more damning revelations about Alan Tudge's behaviour coming to light. The Government has done its best over the last ten days to blatantly ignore allegations of entrenched sexism and misogyny in the party, as well as revelations senior family men were rooting people who weren't their wives....

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Former TV chef turned internet talking head Pete Evans has shared one of his favourite family recipes that's seen him draw the attention of many state and government agencies. Evans shared the perfect midweek recipe for a crude fertiliser bomb, which he says is perfect for taking down governments and fighting against the spread of...