The Nation

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A seat belt has somehow been able to diffuse a bad situation better than a cop ever could, by pulling the machine equivalent of ‘not today satan.’ It’s alleged local bloke James Parfitt had gotten into a beef with his roomie about his obnoxious behaviour, when they’d failed to reach an agreement - though it’s likely Jame’s solution of...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A local woman has today ruined a nice meal, after an intrusive thought had her reflecting on the provenance of the spoon she was using. It’s alleged the 25-year-old teaching student had been out with a classmate when a discussion about the course material had her mind wondering. As they’d swapped stories over steaming bowls of pumpkin soup, Jessica Bishop...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A recently retired mum has decided to pick up a gardening hobby, which she reserves solely for late Sunday afternoons, it’s reported. It’s alleged Linda Templeman handed in her teaching job two months ago and had momentarily enjoyed the relaxed schedule, but was now having trouble finding things to do. Considering her husband spent most of his time either...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In some breaking news from the banks of the Brown Snake, it is not a good day to be a cold beer on Caxton Street. In fact, it's probably not a good day to be around the city of Brisbane tonight at all, with the Queensland Reds playing host to the ACT Brumbies in the Super Rugby AU...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local dad, Choc Liston (57) has today made it clear that he's willing to do whatever is necessary to protect himself from the wrath of his wife, Gabby. After allegedly quitting cigarettes a couple years ago, Choc's second-oldest, Rory, has caught the old back out the back of the family home hoeing into a lungbuster, "Busted!" yelled the 16-year-old Rory,...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Following the stunned reaction generated by it’s milkshake consent video, the Federal Government is having another stab, this time enlisting the help of Lara Worthington (née Bingle).   The videos are based on the “So where the bloody hell are you?” tourism campaign from 2006 that was so successful that it was banned in several countries.   In the new video, Bingle...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Good news for lovers of peace and harmony as a rapidly heating sandwich press suggests that a cheese toastie is going to solve the world’s problems for the next 5-10 minutes. Despite living in an age of increased quality of life, there seems to be an overbearing shared sentiment that our corporation-led world is spinning towards a dark and...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A 60-something member of the extended family is almost 90% purple, it has been confirmed. It is not yet known what the appeal is. Purple is a colour intermediate between blue and red. It is similar to violet, but unlike violet, which is a spectral colour with its own wavelength on the visible spectrum of light, purple is a composite color made by combining red...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A torn slice of Bega cheese on a Jatz bickie is one of the most explosive flavour combinations to come out of Australia in the past decade. It’s become a staple in the diets of many a man, in particular, Toby Gallany (29), who has inadvertently had the dynamic duo for dinner since his...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local bachelor has today been busted trying out hip new clothes, as part of a rebrand aimed at getting more attention from the women. Kyle O'Donnel (26) has been quite single for going on 18 months now, and it appears the excruciatingly long dry patch has finally kicked him into gear. Friends say it looks like Kyle is now...