The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Pangolin's Revenge jumped the fence in our nation's West over the weekend, forcing Premier Mark McGowan to sound the state's Doomsday kazoo. By sounding the woodwind instrument, McGowan triggered a strict lockdown that hasn't been seen in Western Australian since the pandemic began some 12 months ago. "By the decree of the Doomsday Kazoo, I...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "I'm so going to get you to defend me if I get done for DUI or something, how funny would that be?" That's the fourth time Alice Munro has been told that since she posed with her parents for a photograph out the front of the Queensland Supreme Court in Brisbane late last year, admission...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local demolition expert, Digby Schuster, has tentatively accepted to suss out a new gig at the now defunct South Betoota Ladies College - but he's not gonna show up if it isn't worth his time in cash payment, or copper. While walking through the Queenslander-style stilted single-sex primary school today, Digby asks the boss if he has any idea...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT If you thought 2021 was going to be better than 2020 you might want to give up hope now as it has been confirmed today that Ketut (28) has won 50% in his divorce lawsuit against ex-wife and safe driver, Rhonda (45). In what was a bitter shock to romantic hopefuls everywhere, the celebrity couple filed for divorce in...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Inhaling a lungful of air from his now quite dirty homemade bong, local bloke Noah Tomlinson reassures himself for the fourth time that week that he doesn’t have an addiction. You see, the mere fact that he’s relying on a disposable item to enjoy his paraphernalia means that Noah can cut his habit any time. He just doesn’t feel...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Social Nuances | Contact Jasmine Saunders (26) and her best friend Kim Roquette (25) have only been living together in their Betoota Greens flat for 6 months, however, Jasmine has already developed a grievance with Kim – her boyfriend, or as Jasmine refers to him while bitching to their friends, their 3rd housemate. The Advocate caught up with Jasmine following the...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Parading around his rented Gold Coast apartment, local bloke Lucas Prior is pretty keen to show his followers how sick his new air BnB is. The 27-year-old chippy is on a trip away with mates, who were keen to do the same thing they did every weekend but with a different view. The prospect of sleeping on something other...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT “Just wait until father hears about this!” yelled Hedge Fund Manager Clionel Bexley-Vanchild Jnr (36) at an indoor plant he bought for two thousand dollars. Like anyone with the internet, Clionel Bexley-Vanchild Jnr woke up to the news yesterday that one of Reddits most popular subreddits managed to turn a profit for themselves by buying shares in declining USA...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local financial planner has spent the day phoning his clients to suggest they buying some fucking dogecoin right now because it's going to the fucking moon, bro. Will O'Fraidley, from Dennis Coleman & Associates in the Old City, said a lot of his clients have been asking him about GameStop and how they could...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Andrew Slang (33), a local cocaine and ecstasy dealer, has last night revealed to one his most loyal customers just how serious he takes his job. After roughly an hour turn-around between being contacted and arriving with the illicit substances, Andrew is not taking risks. "That was pretty quick by me" he says to his customer, a finance professional by...