The Nation

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Scotty From Marketing has once again been alpha'd by Kevin Rudd, after the retired former Labor leader was forced to once again intervene after being unable to stomach the inaction of of Australia's Part-Time father figure. This follows the news that Kevin Rudd has relocated from his home in Brisbane back to the secondary official residence of the Prime...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT There's some good news for online bookmakers and specialist horticulturists in the Sydney area today, with Gladys Berejiklian announcing a shutdown on construction sites across Sydney. The Premier of the city in crisis today called tools down this morning, after continuing to fail to get on top of the outbreak in the Sydney region. The crippling measure is...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT The relentless march of the mouse plague devastating regional towns has been stopped in it’s tracks by another plague; cashed-up retirees outbidding would-be first home buyers at auction so they can rent the same property to other would-be first home buyers, and land-banking foreign speculators who buy up properties en masse only to leave them empty as a...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Staring at herself in the mirror, local woman Jescinta Reynolds shakes her head with disappointment. She really should know better than to resort to petty tactics to garner attention from her crush, but considering it’d been a whole week since she heard from Jared, Jescinta felt the need to up the stakes. If she thought a little deeper about it,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Deputy Premier of NSW is wasting little time between defamation suits, launching some fresh legal action today. A short time after deciding to sue a YouTube personality for publishing material he doesn't like, the public figure has now launched legal action against a NSW police officer. Barilaro has revealed to The Advocate today that he is suing the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Grandpa Kev has just averted a major motoring/maritime disaster this afternoon, it can be confirmed. The fill-in father figure has just prevented Scott Morrison from causing potentially tens of thousands of dollars in damage, after taking control of the steering wheel at the boat ramp this arvo. The newest example of mentorship follows The Betoota Advocate's exclusive revelation...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In the wake of the latest Melbourne lockdown, Francesca Diavola has confirmed she is managing her expectations and getting down to business. The owner of a popular cafe and lunch spot in Melbourne told us this morning that she has bitten the bullet and asked her suppliers to just dump the produce straight in the bin. "There are...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT If there’s any chore local bloke Ryan Mckenzie doesn’t mind too much, it’s doing the odd spot of vacuuming. Unlike most cleaning duties, vacuuming has the best hard work to satisfaction ratio and the lowest possibility of touching something disgusting. Hence why Ryan swapped bathroom cleaning duties with his roommate in favour of vacuuming and ironing - which doesn’t...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A Betoota Heights woman is today wondering if maybe the man of her dreams really is out there.  This comes after a chance encounter at a friend's house party this weekend, when she stumbled across a hidden gem.  After a couple of deadshit boyfriends in a row, Ashliegh Wilson said she was blessed to bump into a bloke who might...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Though local woman Emily Rodgers has been doing her tax for roughly several years now, she still has the sinking feeling she’s inadvertently committed tax fraud. Like most millennials, Emily was never taught any life skills in high school and had been left to navigate the adult world through trial and error - because apparently knowing Pythagoras theorem is...