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Scotty From Marketing has once again been alpha’d by Kevin Rudd, after the retired former Labor leader was forced to once again intervene after being unable to stomach the inaction of of Australia’s Part-Time father figure.
This follows the news that Kevin Rudd has relocated from his home in Brisbane back to the secondary official residence of the Prime Minister of Australia, in an effort to help mentor Scott Morrison in his duties as the leader of Australia, and as a man.
Rudd’s decision to step out of retirement to return to unofficial duties as an Australian statesmen appears be one he was forced into in early June – after he was approached by senior business figures who begged him to take over the negotiations with multinational pharmaceutical suppliers in an effort to accelerate our nation’s bungled jab roll-out.
Mr Rudd reluctantly agreed to offer his help as a private citizen, and did in fact pick up the phone to the American-based executives who had grown of dealing with ‘junior bureaucrats” from Scott Morrison’s office.
After using his influence to get the Federal Health Minister Greg Hunt on the phone to the right people, Kevin Rudd has since moved back into Kirribilli House, where he is now playing the role of grandfather for a nation who’s flakey dad has skipped town after heading out to the shops to buy some smokes.
Tonight, Australia’s ageing father figure Grandpa Kev has had to step up again, after the entire household was kept away by illegal house party in the lower North Shore.
“Are you gonna go out there and say something to them?” Grandpa Kev asked the spiritless man-of-the-house.
“Are you gonna do something about this??!”
Scotty stared vacantly at the old man and filled his chest up with that false sense of pride often seen in career bureaucrats with inflated egos… Before exhaling and admitting he doesn’t have shit.
The deflated and Prime Minister Morrison stared at his toes while twiddling his thumbs.
“Well fuck ya” scowled Grandpa Kev as he glared at the pea-heart standing in front of him.
“Guess it’s on me again. No worries mate!!! I’ll sort this one out too!!”
The door slammed behind Rudd as he marched up the street to finally get the job done.
At time of press, Grandpa Kev was seen negotiating the terms of a reduction in volume from the local coked up real estate agents blaring Flight Facilities at full volume.
“Okay, I’ll hit the beer bong and you can all get a selfie” Australia’s grandfather told the local yahoos.
“But that music better go down”
“Or else the next time I come back here, you’re gonna see Nambour Kev, not Canberra Kev”