Sports

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local man with tickets to a premier sporting event is going to need a Plan B, it can be confirmed today. William Hope, a moderately liked construction lawyer from our town's Ford Raptor capital of Betoota Heights, is planning on heading down to Adelaide this weekend for the cricket. However, given it's first week back at the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The eager beavers at in the stands at the Adelaide Oval have today been left bemused after a rather unusual spectacle out in the middle. With Australia set to take on the last blokes in the Caribbean interested in playing Test cricket, a retired David Warner has shocked onlookers by jet packing down onto the pitch ahead of...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT For the first time since the 5th century BC, it seems the Chinese Zodiac predictions might be entirely wrong this year. Even the name of 2024 is wrong, with very few Australians under the impression that this could really be the Year Of The Dragon. According to the Chinese Horoscope 2024, the dragon represents authority, prosperity, and good fortune. Those...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The star of the summer blockbuster movie 'Saltburn', Australian actor Jacob Elordi has become a household name right around the world in recent months. But before that, he had well and truly established himself as a teen heart throb in his role as the twisted bisexual jock 'Nate' in the American HBO high school drama series Euphoria. While the debate...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In recent NRL news that instills a refreshing feeling of purgatory in long-suffering West Tigers fans, the club's entire board was sacked last week. This means the Tiger's colourful chairman Lee Hagipantelis will now have to return to his previous career as a hardboiled detective with a troubled past. In a rare non-cocaine-orgy related NRL story during the game's off...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact West Australian Police say they're investigating claims that a section of the Kwinana Freeway that was stolen last night is being hidden in plain sight. Perth-based detectives say they received information this morning via CrimeStoppers that the missing slab of tarmac is being kept in the middle of Optus Stadium, where a game of Test...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT That nation is elated today, as the skull returns to television screens around the country. The chortling, the tangents, the absolute shit talk. It's back, and it will be here all summer. A poll of Australian cricket fans who are at the pub at this very moment has shown a 95% approval rating for the former leg-spinner, has he navigates...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The embattled NRL club Wests Tigers have sacked their entire administration following an independent review into the club - effectively turning off the entire merger at the wall and starting again. The club, which was born in the 1999 merger of Western Suburbs Magpies and Balmain Tigers, last made the top eight in 2011 and finished with the wooden...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT One of the National Rugby League's perennial laughing stocks has today finally made an effort to steady the ship. After years of appalling performances both on and off the field, the Wests Tigers have pulled the trigger and sacked the entire board. Chairman and hat enthusiast Lee Hagipantelis as well as aspiring TV star and CEO Justin Pascoe...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australia's handsome halfbacks, and occasionally wingers, with representative potential are rejoicing today. This follows a recent news story that exposes a very problematic culture within Australia's professional mens sporting codes. As traditionally the most handsome footballers in the average rugby side, halfbacks have always attracted more attention from the voyeuristic political and sporting powerbrokers than their huskier teammates in the...