Sports

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The embattled NRL club Wests Tigers have sacked their entire administration following an independent review into the club - effectively turning off the entire merger at the wall and starting again. The club, which was born in the 1999 merger of Western Suburbs Magpies and Balmain Tigers, last made the top eight in 2011 and finished with the wooden...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT One of the National Rugby League's perennial laughing stocks has today finally made an effort to steady the ship. After years of appalling performances both on and off the field, the Wests Tigers have pulled the trigger and sacked the entire board. Chairman and hat enthusiast Lee Hagipantelis as well as aspiring TV star and CEO Justin Pascoe...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australia's handsome halfbacks, and occasionally wingers, with representative potential are rejoicing today. This follows a recent news story that exposes a very problematic culture within Australia's professional mens sporting codes. As traditionally the most handsome footballers in the average rugby side, halfbacks have always attracted more attention from the voyeuristic political and sporting powerbrokers than their huskier teammates in the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After a sensational few days of very public bickering, the nation has today decided enough is enough. Former Australian fast bowler Mitchell Johnson and current Australian opener David Warner have been told to sort it out. "Take it to the nets fellas," said an anonymous spokesperson for the nation today. The desire for the two firebrands to sort...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Queensland is once again the superior footballing state. This comes after two months of cultural anxiety for Queenslanders, following Brisbane's respective AFL and NRL grand final losses. However, the entire state has once again able to rest easy knowing that we are the best at football, after the girls delivered a sensations 17-point AFLW grand final victory over North Melbourne...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite being constantly raided of their top talent by the Southern elites, it seems the Brisbane Lions girls have defied the odds and will take on North Melbourne for the 2023 premiership on Sunday afternoon at Melbourne’s Ikon Park. Meanwhile, another oval down south will be hosting a the white hot flame of Queenslanders in pads and helmet, as...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local Queenslander has woken up with with a husky voice this morning, after treating himself to a bottle from the shelf above the top shelf overnight. 34-year-old Mackay fishing charter operator, Mal Mogg, says after 12 years, he just couldn't wait any longer to try the limited edition bottle of Darren Lockyer Bundy. "I was saving it up for...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT In a not so surprising revelation, a quintessential Australian soccer enthusiast has just realized, a month late, that the A-League season kicked off— mainly because he'd rather wake up at 3am to watch Arsenal than to watch Sydney FC at a reasonable time. Hamish Chapel (21), a self-proclaimed "Gooner" - also known as an annoying die hard Arsenal fan,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT For the first time in the history of Australian rugby union, a man baptised into the Roman Catholic Church has been named as the chairman of the game. New Rugby Australia chairman Dan Herbert has promised to 'listen to the people' after nearly 200 years of protestant rule. Accounts of rugby being played in the Colony of New South Wales...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A humble South Australian man with strong facial hair has today shocked the world. Craigmore local Travis Head has broken multiple records overnight, after one of the most incredible feats in human history. The cricketer from Adelaide shocked humanity by giving birth to 11 sons. The birthing miracle is believed to have broken multiple records, including becoming the...