Local News

RORY SALAZAR | Government | ContactRetired Army Lieutenant Colonel, David Wilson (65), is spinning wildly out of control. That is not to say he has placed his head down on top of an upright baseball bat, and then quickly spun himself in tight 360 spins while his head remains touching the top of the bat. No, Wilson’s spin is a metaphorical one and more...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA super cute hotel towel has been completely soiled this evening as a Betoota man feels the wrath of a dodgy prawn skewer. After disembarking his Jetstar flight into Denpasar Airport, Betoota Mitre 10 store manager Levi Karmichael was excited to spend his first night at Blossom Boutik Villas, a gorgeous villa in Canggu. A new visitor to...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTIn hospitality news, a once beloved watering hole has lost its liquor licence this week after it was revealed their swanky new gastro-pub menu doesn’t pass the pub test. Once cherished for its $5 shots of caribbean rum and 2-for-1 Tuesday schnitty night, West Betoota’s Bull and Barley Inn has recently undertaken major renovations, and has been...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Two long-suffering but ultimately self-serving Gen X parents who bought a Betoota Heights house and land package in 2005 have been left clueless as to why their single child spends all his time playing computer games in his room. Playing computer games instead of running wild through the suburbs like parents Pogo and Julia Stick...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA poor bloke from Betoota Heights has found himself living in a constant state of confusion lately, with a thoughtful gift to his girlfriend being the cause of this newfound problem. Suffering a sore neck from the constant head swivels, 32 year old software engineer Keegan Delaware tells our reporter that it sounds like he's being haunted by his...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Victorian man has made a fool of himself today by outlining his desire to see workers sacrificed upon the altar of the Australian economy. It comes a few years after the man, yuppie habitat maker Tim Gurner, explained that young people need to stop eating avocados and drinking coffee if they want to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Dennis Galhooley would be the first to admit that he's put on a few kilos in recent years, but his doctor would say it's closer to 20. A visit to his local GP at the Betoota Heights Family Medical Center today confirmed that, as Dr. Michelle Jones ordered, big Dennis up on the scales, and...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA rather excitable young woman has prompted her concerned friends to ensure no glassware is within a metre radius of her flailing arms, having broken a record two wine glasses in one night with her outrageous gestures. Jamie Burke, a freelance writer from Betoota Heights, is alleged to be quite the storyteller, with her friends reporting that she tends...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact young man who laid eyes on the last Holden Commodore and fell in love has revealed to The Advocate that he's also a fucking freak in other parts of his life. "It's a good car," said Duncan Handmer, a self-described small e-businessman, who prides himself on being pragmatic to the point where perfect strangers are...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTThe nation’s largest grocery chain has copped an almighty spray this evening as a Betoota man tries to cook his dinner. Despite branding themselves as ‘The Fresh Food People’, Woolworths has been called ‘a bunch of fucking morons’ by part-time science teacher Gary Campbell, after they shrink wrapped a T-bone in a metre of single-use plastic, and...