ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Victorian man has made a fool of himself today by outlining his desire to see workers sacrificed upon the altar of the Australian economy. It comes a few years after the man, yuppie habitat maker Tim Gurner, explained that young people need to stop eating avocados and drinking coffee if they want to buy one of his dog boxes.

Mr. Gurner made the comments at some gathering of puce-faced chodes, and footage of the remarks quickly went viral.

“Tradies, especially, I want to see them all lose their Rangers and Amaroks. Lose their homes. Lose their jetskis and boats. I want to see out-of-work tradies washing windscreens at every intersection in Australia,” he said.

“Tradies, they think they’re so clever.”

Mr. Gurner shot to national fame a couple of years ago after it was discovered he had a supercharged brain. After receiving a small loan from his family, Tim worked hard and sacrificed. Because of his large brain and the Vortech supercharger on top of it, Tim turned that small amount of money he got into a billion-dollar empire. He is humble and freely admits that there are smarter people than him in society; people like the common mixed farmer and commercial airplane pilot.

“If I can make it with a little bit of family money, anyone can,” he said.

“Thousands of other Australians are doing it. They’re doing it while sad little lefties with their sad little parents on the internet take pot shots at me – just because I’m successful. They give me all this free press. Thanks, guys.”

More to come.


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