Local Company Boosts Office Morale By Organising A Mandatory Group Bonding Activity On The Weekend
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAn owner of a boutique insurance agency has this week solved the ongoing malaise circulating amongst his employees, by organising a special little event for them all to partake in - planting trees on a Sunday morning!
Kicking off at 7am, employees at Big Logic Insurance are expected to spend at least four hours planting trees in the French...
Furiously Hand Written No Parking Sign Suggests Your Car Will Get Damaged If You Do Park There
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A resident of Betoota Grove has today been accused of failing to read between the lines.
Visiting a family member in our town's Flight Path District, Bryan Tadros has today paid the price for ignoring local authorities.
The waste disposal magnate has had his car severely damaged after parking somewhere he was explicitly told not to.
"Yeah, look,"...
Dad Finally Agrees To Exercise For 1st Time In A Decade By Sprinting As Fast As He Can For 1 Hour
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
An old fox is making up for lost time after finally giving into family demand and doing some damn exercise.
The fox in question is Peter Morb (58) of Betoota Ponds who claims to enjoy his life by frequently doing activities that shorten it such as drinking, smoking cigarillos and making sandwiches using frozen pizzas as bread.
With his family...
“Haha Watch Out” Says Pop As Extremely Venomous Eastern Brown Slithers Within Striking Distance
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Local grandfather, Harold Page (90) has severely downplayed the danger of an Eastern Brown Snake finding its way into his backyard, during a family get together in his semi-rural Betoota Downs home.
The late afternoon lunch was briefly interrupted by a series of screams from the mums and aunties, who moved quickly to swoop up any children who found...
Yorkshireman Puts Finishing Touches On Beachside Apartment By Hanging Yorkshire Flag In Only Window That Faces Beach
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A man from English Queensland has turned his rented Lake Betoota apartment into a home this week by choosing to hang a Yorkshire flag in the only window that faces the beach.
Leeds man Sam Gallon explained to The Advocate that his polyester Yorkshire flag that he purchased on eBay arrived yesterday and despite having...
Cricketer Recovers From Tense 15 Minutes In The Nets With Warm Strawberry Milk From Kit Bag
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
Thick warm glugs of strawberry milk are going down a treat this afternoon as a grade cricketer refuels from an intense session in the nets.
Averaging just 14 runs last season, opening batsman for the Betoota Dugongs Stuart Hogg has hit this season's training sessions with added focus, especially after getting out for a golden duck in...
Undercover Cop Really Hoping For Conversation To Move Beyond Knowledge Of Motorcycles
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTIt is a hard knock life for one unlucky UC copper who has wasted yet another useless night in the clubhouse talking about bloody motorcycles again.
Special Officer Flop Limpy (fake name used to protect identity) has successfully infiltrated the Betoota chapter of Craster’s Sons, a Game of Thrones themed 1% bikie gang who started in 2011 when no...
Dad Taking Spag Bol Quite Seriously After Revisiting Classic Mafia Movie
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA Betoota family have had their world painted red and meaty this week as a classic mafia movie has caused dad to seriously up his spag bowl game.
Known for empowering middle class dads everywhere, mafia movies are known for being classic pieces of cinema, mostly because the aforementioned dads say so and will absolutely lose their shit if...
Local Bloke 60% Sure That Weed Helps With His Lack Of Self-Certainty
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTIn the brain-tearing world of the 24 hour news cycle, it is an inevitability that a slow news day will eventually feature a story about an illegal drug being used to treat mental illness.
Currently, studies are being done on ketamine to treat depression and LSD to treat PTSD, the latter surely paired due to the fact they are...
White People Let Out A Small Cheer After Hearing Particularly Loud Rumble Of Thunder
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA group of office workers have this afternoon been positively titillated by the weather, after their mundane spreadsheet filling was interrupted by a loud thunderstorm!
Letting out a collective “OOoooooOOOOH’ as an earsplitting clap of thunder burst through the building, the employees could be seen looking at each other like school kids who’ve just seen their teacher bring out the TV...
