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Albo Clarifies Of Course This $300 Is Gonna Be In Cash Mate Do I Look Fucken Stupid To You?

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT The Federal Opposition Leader, whose name is Anthony Albanese, has today doubled down on his proposed a $300 cash bonus for Australians who have received both jabs by December 1. Despite the government's hysterical criticism towards an idea that gives money to working people instead of tax-dodging multinationals, the only Labor policy to to reported by the media...

Scotty Says Just Get Your Jabs And We’ll Talk Cash Later, I Swear I’m Good For It Lad

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT YOU KNOW ME, WHEN HAVE I EVER BEEN SHORT: As more and more of his close associates get charged for either committing or the concealing evidence of sex crimes by the day, Scotty From Marketing is starting to think giving working Australians a bit of free cash might result in the good press he so desperately needs. The...

Scotty Asks Brian Houston If He Wants A Go At Leading The House Of Reps

ERROL PARKER | Editor-At-Large | CONTACT The Prime Minister has told media today in Canberra that his close personal friend Brian Houston deserves the presumption of innocence, which in this government means you get a go leading the House of Representatives. "Brian ticks every box" said Scotty. "A natural leader. Someone who is able to keep standing even with all the mud flung at him from...

Yeah These Yanks Wouldn’t Last A Minute On The Kingaroy Courts Girls

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Mariafe Artacho del Solar and Taliqua Clancy will hit the podium with a silver after a world class run through the 2020 Tokyo Olympics that sadly came to an end moments ago. Our Australians just missed out on winning gold in the beach volleyball final to America’s April Ross and Alix Klineman this afternoon. Despite the result, Mariafe and...

With 3 Cities In Lockdown And Hillsong Facing Charges, Scotty’s Tempted To Try A Full-Strength

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT While sitting at the bar of a discreet Canberra dive bar tonight, Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing is starting to feel himself sway from the light of God. He never expected to face such temptation when he impulsively threw his hat in the ring for the 2019 Liberal leadership spill. In fact, he never even thought about being...

Hillsong Now An Official Religion After PM’s Pastor Gets Charged With Hiding Child Sex Crimes

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT After enduring decades of ridicule from the Anglicans and Catholics, it seems the Hillsong Church might be a real religion after all. This comes as the Hillsong senior pastor, and close friend of the Prime Minister, Brian Houston has been charged for allegedly concealing child sexual abuse by his father. Brian Houston founded the evangelical megachurch in the early...

Nation Tells Scotty We Ain’t Doing This On Tick Bra

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT PAY UP SCOTTY: The people of Australia have made it clear that they're sick of the talking. Where's the cash Scotty. Pay up bra. This comes as Scotty From Marketing continues to skirt around a new policy that aims to give every Australian a cash incentive for getting jabbed. The Leader of the Opposition, whose name is Anthony Albanese,...

You’re Still The 4th Fastest Bloke Over 800 Metres In The World Pete

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Australian's newest king of track, Peter 'Spag' Bol has just missed a medal in the the men’s 800m final at the 2020 Tokyo Games. After breaking two Australian records in his journey to the big dance, the 27-year-old is still the best we've ever put forward. As Australia’s first men’s 800m finalist since 1968, 4th spot is pretty damn...

PM: “Ok How Bout This For A Compromise… If You Get Your Jabs, I’ll Give Your Boss $300”

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has hit out at Labor’s proposal to offer a $300 incentive to those who get fully vaccinated by December 1. The PM has claimed that the plan is an “insult” to Australians, who deserve a much more professional roll-out strategy, after waiting four months for their jabs to arrive from an laboratory in...

Local Woman Crosses Off Another Day On The Countdown Until 7+ Gets Well And Truly Uninstalled

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT With only 4 more days until Tokyo's closing ceremony, the locked down residents of Australia don't want the Olympics to end. But, unlike our constant outbreaks and social distancing restrictions, the exciting sporting theatre can't go forever. However, one silverlining that comes with the conclusion of the games is the fact that we will be able to uninstall and...

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