Headlines

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Recently eliminated Masterchef contestant Shakira, has had some better news today. After being visibly distraught at having to pack her bags and head home to her family, Shakira received an offer from one of the judges to come and work in one of his restaurants.   The offer of work was at George Calombaris’ Hellenic Republic in...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A tatted up, Brownlow medal-winning bad boy from Campbelltown has today thrown his support behind Prime Minister Turnbull's claims that Melbourne is too scary to go out in. Speaking from behind the deadlocked security screen at his Richmond residence, Dustin Martin told reporters that the actions of roughly 150 African juvenile delinquents has him absolutely terrified. "We are afraid to...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Prominent post-war land bankers, Deborah and Peter Mcguire (both 67), have today declared that they protect their unsustainable nest egg by any means necessary. This comes after the news that only half the properties that went to auction in Sydney and Melbourne on the weekend found buyers, as the hysterical Australian property market continues it's two week cool off,...

Continuing the proud Australian tradition of being completely inept at handling cold weather, local cafes are continuing to serve novel cups of soup to chilly customers, despite the fact that halfway through July, it’s wearing pretty thin by now. Every June, anxious caffeine addicts are treated to the smell of fresh soup coming from a countertop soup pot. Some choose...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Rumours that high-school friend and freelance dreadlock maker Bella Rickard (28) is getting her life on track appear to be falsified as a source close to Rickard confirmed her friend did, in fact, have CDs in her car. Speaking exclusively with The Advocate friend of Rickard, Ellen Woodley (28), stated that during a recent lift in Rickard’s 1999 Hyundai...

LOUIS BURKE | Lifestyle | Contact Emerging chrome-dome Darren Wright (42) has dealt a blow to his receding hairline by growing a goatee in what many are calling the ultimate act of defiance. The 42-year-old wrestling enthusiast states he wants to make it clear to people that he is not going bald without a fight, choosing to grow his facial hair in a specific area...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australia’s once seemingly booming share bike economy looks to be at an end, after two more companies announced they were pulling out of capital city markets - leaving behind only the steel and plastic at the bottom of the Yarra River and Sydney Harbour. China-owned Ofo bikes and the Australian company Reddy Go were both stroked warmly by city...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prominent Outback Queensland MP Bob Katter has this week thrown around a few 'deadlys' and referred to the entire Aboriginal community of Australia as "us mob" NAIDOC Week 2021 celebrates the invaluable contributions Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people make to land management and environmentalism, while also acknowledging their 60,000 years of ongoing sovereignty before white settlement. The big...

KENT REGINALD | Culture | Contact A local Betoota accountant was left absolutely devastated last Friday night, after reportedly booking a room at a karaoke bar that didn’t have the Killers song ‘Mr. Brightside’ available to sing. Jose Barton, a 28 year old CA working at an accountancy firm in Betoota Hills, was reportedly thrilled when everyone at his End Of Financial Year drinks...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The fact that her best friend has already stated that this conversation is going to require her full attention, hasn't stopped local girl Christina Madden from playing the 'no way card.' "No wayyy" she says. "Seriously?" The topic of conversation, which has been completely lost on Christina after she sent three whole messages someone she works with, continues to flow...