IN-Focus

Skateboarder Incapable Of Looking Cool While Transitioning From Street To Footpath

MARKUS VENUTI | Culture | CONTACT Newtown local and self-proclaimed shredder, Derek Menzies, was last seen dodging his way through unsuspecting pedestrians down south King street before stopping to cross the road when he saw a break in the traffic. With his tote bag in tow and his converse chucks looking like they’ve never seen the griptape of a skateboard in their life, he...

Patron Tells Bartender How To Do Job Because He Used To Be A Bartender Once

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Most bartenders dream of the day when they can finally be the person on the other side of the bar come a sunny Friday in the summertime. Others, for some reason, enjoy the occupation. But many Arts graduates long for the day when they can break free of the hospitality chains and finally do something worthwhile...

Man Promises Sri Lankan Bloke From Television That He’ll Try His Fancy Tea

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Just as Gavin McCarthy was about to turn in for the night and turn the television off, he was greeted by the familiar warm smile of the Dilmah man. As Merrill J. Fernando, Dilmah's chief tea maker, finishes his short tour of the Sri Lanka farm where the tea is grown, he implored Gavin to try...

FM Radio Stations Keep Close Eye On The Bachelor For Sexy Mid-Range Bogans That Can Talk Good

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An undisclosed number of middle-managers and senior executives at radio giant Southern Cross Austereo are so far suitably impressed with the potential radio talent showcased on popular reality television programme, Married! At First Sight. Answering The Advocate's request for comment regarding the talent hunt was one of the most androgynous, soulless sycophants that brown nose their way through the...

Regional DJ Breaks With Tradition And Ends Night With Song Other Than ‘Khe Sahn’

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a shock to party goers and regulars alike, a local DJ ended the night last at the Betoota Hotel around 2am this morning with Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer - rather than the traditional Khe Sahn the regional has come to expect. Conor Walter, an audio engineering student at South Betoota Polytechnical College, decided...

Palaszczuk Says Coral Bleaching Low On List Of Priorities After Rise Of Graffiti In Brisbane

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk has today declared the catastrophic damage being caused to the Great Barrier Reef by coal mining is nothing compared to the damage being caused to Brisbane's trendy inner-city suburbs by street artists. "If you think coral bleaching was bad, you need to take a look at The Valley nowadays. The inner-city street art is a...

Man Visibly Suffering From Advanced Gingivitis Says Salad Doesn’t Belong At Barbecues

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Though Kevin Daniels is currently in his salad days, that doesn't apply to his culinary preferences. The husky 28-year-old landscaper is having a choice group of friends coming around to West Betoota Queenslander of Durham Avenue this Saturday and he's asking them to bring their own beer and meat - and to leave the salad...

Half-Hearted Pokie Player Using Bottom Of Schooner To Tap Button While Standing

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A bloke who is obviously waiting for someone to meet him at the pub is half-heartedly blowing a fair bit of coin on a poker machine that he isn't overly interested in, it has been confirmed. While wearing relatively informal clothing, the bloke is also imitating the sounds of bombs dropping with his mouth. "beeeeeewwww boooomm!!" he mumbles as he hits...

We watched George R. R. Martin’s confronting sex scene GoT cameo so you don’t have to

INGRID DOULTON | Lady Writer | Contact Viewer beware! The rumours are true. Author of the popular book-series-come-popular-television-series George R. R. Martin confirmed today that he gets his man cans, as he calls them, out in an episode toward the end of this season. But that's not all, the 68-year-old also revealed juicy details of his sex scene cameo that he allegedly wrote into the book...

Tradesman Laughed Out Of Trendy Local Cafe For Ordering An ‘Expresso’

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A popular local builder has been mocked and humiliated by an uppity barista at a trendy cafe in Betoota's French Quarter this afternoon for ordering an 'expresso'. Gregory Murchison, the self-described 'coffeeologist' at Le Pisse Dans Ma Poche, said he enjoys it when someone wearing hi-vis comes into his trendy French-inspired eatery and ignorantly orders something by mangling...

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